these are just a couple of my cravings

there are fourteen days until my estimated due date. that's exactly two weeks. i have gone between nervous and excited so many times that i am now stuck in some sort of weird dazed limbo. baby clothes and sheets and everything else are washed. take home outfits from the hospital are chosen and packed. bassinet will be set up today and car seat is being installed on sunday. the list of last minute items to get on saturday is shorter than i thought possible, and really only has one item on it that will be used before four months. i filled my car with gas on wednesday even though i still had almost a quarter of a tank left. (i never fill up my car unless i am at E or the line right above it.)

with my pregnancy drawing to a close, i thought i'd preserve on my blog the answer to the question i have been asked the most over the past nine months: have you had any weird cravings? and i get it. i mean, just watch any tv show or movie that features a pregnant lady and you'll start to think that all we want to eat is pistachio ice cream with pickles. but unfortunately - or fortunately i guess - the answer is no.

here is what i did crave this pregnancy:

• wegman's chocolate cake. it is pretty much the best chocolate cake you will ever eat and being pregnant was the perfect excuse to have my husband go out and get me a slice way more often than i probably should have.
  
• ice cream sandwiches. and none of that fancy tollhouse cookie stuff. the original cheap ones that people say are gross because they never melt or something. though why you would let it sit around long enough to see if it would melt is beyond me.
  
• ruffles chips. this was perhaps one of my most tv cliche pregnant moments. i wanted ruffles really, really badly. i was going to die if i didn't get some right now. i didn't even care what flavor they were. my husband went to the store and came home with four huge family size bags of chips and... none of them were ruffles. i cried and threw a hormonal fit.
  
• chicken caesar salad. i ate this for lunch/dinner at least four or five times a week for months. i kind of want one right now.
  
• black beans, microwave some in a bowl with pepperjack cheese OR throw some on your salad and you basically have the most delicious meal i could think of. when i wasn't eating chicken caesar salads i was eating this. one time i thought i'd be fancy and throw some corn in with my beans and cheese, and it was probably the worst decision i have ever made. well, tied with that time that i thought it would be a good idea to put both blueberries and raisins in my morning oatmeal. blech.
  
• hot fudge sundaes. this one makes me want to cry a little. i've wanted a real hot fudge sundae since the summer. i have gotten a bunch of sundaes over this time (three in the past two weeks) but they are all either hot fudge with soft serve ice cream or real ice cream with caramel. because apparently the ice cream shops around me have all decided that they don't believe in hot fudge anymore. i think it's a conspiracy of sorts.  
  
• zucchini.  there was one time that my husband was picking up burgers from ruby tuesday and i told him to get me zucchini with my burger instead of fries. he looked at me weird and asked if i wouldn't rather get a side of zucchini and my fries instead. i am a huge fry person (really any type of potato) and so i got his confusion, but no, i just wanted the zucchini. he was so sure i was going to regret my decision when he came home with the food, but that zucchini was delicious and choosing it over fries was maybe the best food-related decision i made this year. i am having zucchini for lunch today and am already excited for it. (of course, i'm not crazy and have gone out to get just fries on more than one occasion.) kind of on the same note, i've always been kind of whatever about green beans, but one night my dad made them with a roast and i realized that green beans were probably one of the best vegetables to grace the earth. i immediately went out and bought my own. my love affair with them has since fizzled, but i do appreciate them more than i ever did before.
  
• root beer floats. i don't think this needs explaining. last week the two liter bottle of root beer that i finally caved and got finished and now the vanilla ice cream in my freezer and i are both really sad.
  
• cheese enchiladas. but really, who doesn't want a cheese enchilada for every single meal? even not pregnant i could have gone for that. i love my mexican food.
  
• strawberry milk. this one was weird because if it is not in my granola i really don't do milk. i will occasionally go for a chocolate milk but i have this weird obsession about milk going bad so i have to mix it really fast and practically drink it with my head in the fridge. i think that before this pregnancy, the last time i had strawberry milk i was probably six. for the past couple of weeks i've been really into chocolate milk.
  
• there was the day that i really wanted chipotle (and ended up getting it for dinner). i'm not sure if it should make the list because it was really only that one time, but i'm putting it on here because it was like a physical need how badly i wanted it. kinda like the ruffles. 

so there you have it: the things i craved the most this pregnancy. nothing really weird. and a lot of them are things that i love all the time (ice cream, root beer, cheese enchilladas, caesar salads) but that moved from just "favorites" to "i need to stuff my face with this right now or something really bad might happen." i've been wanting pickles a lot, too, but i don't think i've wanted them any more than i usually do, so... 

*Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk - Rufus Wainwright

you can't believe it's happening again

in the spirit of trying to talk about things that are not related to babies or pregnancy, let me tell you all a story about how moving to a different county made my husband very unlucky with cars in the cold.

it all started a little under two months ago.

aside from a bit of snow, it was an ordinary day, and my husband was driving home from work. he was probably listening to that sports channel on the radio that i hate because the two guys who do the morning show are chauvinistic, sexist assholes who think they're funny when they're really just gross, and thinking about whether he wanted to stop by mcdonalds on the way home and get chicken nuggets for dinner. (we lead a thrilling life, the two of us.) traffic slowed, as it is known to do, and he eased on his breaks just like everyone else. well, everyone except for the guy behind him that is. because as it turned out, that guy behind him had lost control of his car. if you have ever dealt with a car out of control, you'll know that their favorite thing to do is crash into things. and that's exactly what this car did. and by "things," i obviously mean the back of my husband's car.

that started a period of calling insurance companies and getting the car appraised and figuring out what exactly needed to be fixed and how. then came the part of dropping the car off and getting a rental and living out of someone else's car for days while his car got fixed. which is fun at first, but gets old real quick i'm told.

anyway, he gets his car back and everything is right with the world. well, until a couple of weeks later when we get some more snow. we were out for the day with my car, and when we got home, my husband went to check the mail. he comes into the house a few minutes later furious because someone had hit his newly fixed car. there was some major damage to the driver's side door area. luckily, the lady who had hit him left her information. it turned out that her car had skid on the roads that should have been cleaned because that is why we pay our homeowner's fee. his poor car screeched in pain anytime he opened the door, and if he was driving fast down the highway, there was a definite breeze coming in.

that started a period of calling insurance companies and getting the car appraised and figuring out what exactly needed to be fixed and how. then came the part of dropping the car off and getting a rental and living out of someone else's car for days while his car got fixed. which is fun at first, but gets old real quick i'm told.

after being told that the car had more damage than they originally thought after they started taking it apart and that they would have to keep it a few extra days, he finally got it back. one night, he walked into the house a little later than usual and excitedly announced, "i have my car again." and then two days later we got a dusting of snow. not much, but enough to make the roads icy i suppose. it was sunday morning and i was sitting on the couch watching darcy eat his breakfast and waiting for my computer to start up. all of a sudden, i hear my husband running down the stairs.

"i think someone just hit my car," he said.

i laughed. "you're joking."

he shook his head. "there's a car parked right next to it and the guy is taking pictures. i'm gonna go check," he said, pulling on a hoodie and shoving his feet into his shoes.

he came back in a few minutes later in an exponentially worse mood. the guy had, in fact, hit his car. apparently he had started to fishtail and so he slammed his foot on the gas in a panic and turned right into the front of my husband's poor, abused car.

and that, once again and hopefully for the last time, started a period of calling insurance companies and getting the car appraised and figuring out what exactly needed to be fixed and how. on saturday will come the part of dropping the car off and getting a rental and living out of someone else's car for days while his car gets fixed. which is fun at first, but gets old real quick i'm told.

on the bright side, he now has experience at three different auto shops and rental places in the area because each insurance worked with a different one. so if we ever have anything else happen to our cars, he'll know which one to take it to.

*Waste Time - Eagles

with one deep breath, and one big step, i move a little bit closer

doing things these days is so hard for me. i think my nesting stage is over. in fact, anything related to babies freaks me out, which is why i have a carseat in the garage instead of in my car and a nursery that is only half decorated. (twenty-three days, you guys. it is so close.) anything related to school just seems pointless because i have been having Thoughts about the direction my education is headed (and really my life in general, but i don't really think now is the best time to make huge decisions and major changes to our already agreed upon plans, so i wait). anything not related to school or babies just seems like a waste of time at the moment. time that i should be doing absolutely nothing in because this may be the last time in a really, really long time that i get to do absolutely nothing. i am suddenly overwhelmed by the list of things that i always said i was going to watch on netflix and the pile of books that i really was going to read and now seems like the right time to start plowing through them.

also, my brain is not in the best working order these days. case in point: i woke up last night needing to pee for the millionth time and noticed that my husband wasn't in bed. i figured that he had gone to work, and if that was the case, my first alarm would go off in half an hour or less and i could just wait to pee then. i managed to fall back asleep until six:thirty when i realized that his alarm should have just been going off. the rational thing to assume in this case would be that he had moved to the couch or guest room earlier in the night because i was kicking him or something, and that thought did occur to me a few minutes later. but first, first there was panic. my brain immediately jumped to the oh so logical conclusion that the baby was coming early and he had left to the hospital without me. it took longer than it should have to register with me that that was impossible because i would be the one going into labor if that happened. so yeah. you might be able to tell now why my blog has been neglected. 

along with the bouts of panic and lethargy, lately i have just been so immensely grateful and appreciative of everything. i went through a similar thing earlier in my pregnancy, but it calmed down. in fact, i was fine until shortly before my baby shower. and then my baby shower completely opened the floodgates and i was struck with how genuinely lucky i am to have such amazing people in my life. people that i can go months without talking to and then pick things up exactly where we left off. people who are kind and generous and smart and hilarious. and my family, you guys, are the absolute best. and suddenly, i am only seeing silver linings and cups half full and bright sides. which is great and all, don't get me wrong, but to a serial pessimist it is also really annoying. i'll want to complain about how i need to get up and pee again even though i just did and i just got into the perfect comfortable position on the couch, but i can't complain because i am just so gosh darn grateful for the miracle that is a functioning urinary tract and how amazing is the human body? and oh my god i want to punch myself in the face but it would likely only lead to me getting goo-goo eyes at bloody noses. 

a professor at school the other day ran into me for the first time since i think thanksgiving, and he just said, "you look really happy." and you know what? he's right. so despite everything, there's that. 

*For Reasons Unknown - The Killers

you know you're gonna hurt somebody tonight

i feel like i should talk about the super bowl last night, and how the seahawks deciding to pass instead of just run the ball when they have a player who is basically a human bulldozer that just plows through the entire defense was probably the stupidest call in the history of the sport, but i won't. mostly because i'm actually not that upset about it and wasn't even really rooting for either of the teams. i was simultaneously hoping both would win and both would lose. brady literally jumping for joy at the end was amusing, though. (my mom and husband were rooting for the pats. my dad, who has always hated them, spent all season rooting for them which was kind of really weird, but after the ball deflating fiasco he had firmly turned back against them over the past week.)

but you know what i will talk about? the commercials that happened during the super bowl. there were a few that i liked, a lot that just disappointed me, and then there was that stupid nationwide commercial that traumatized me for life. i was watching the game with my husband and dad at that point (my mom was popping in and out and my sister made a speech about how watching sports was stupid and then went upstairs) who are not the most emotionally reactive people to watch things with. this in no way stops me from making comments about every single thing that happens on the screen (and the backstory that i make up for all of the players). so we're sitting there watching the nationwide commercial after a bunch of other family-focused commercials, and this little boy is saying something about cooties and not sailing around the world with his best friend and never getting married and i mean, he's a little boy so i figure there will be some sort of turning point in his narrative. a plot twist if you will. and then it comes. he stares right at the camera and says that he won't do any of that stuff because he is dead. as in, he died. he died in an accident that his parents could have prevented. i'm not sure if his accident was being left in the tub unsupervised or being crushed by a falling tv, but i just sat there horrified. stunned into silence for three seconds before i could even formulate my comments. i mean, really?! what the hell, nationwide. that is not a feelgood super bowl commercial. that should not be thrown in among puppies returning home and the differences between a father and a dad (though i have to admit we all kind of mocked that one). that is not the kind of thing you surprise someone with at the end of a thirty second ad. especially not someone who is pregnant and hormonal and cries at formula commercials. sheesh.

in other news, i have reached the point where, when people ask when i am due, i can say, "next month." is that not absolutely crazy?

*Playing With Fire - Brandon Flowers