please stop talking to me

if you know me in real life, you know that my favorite thing to talk about recently is the fact that the world and its mother believes me to be pregnant. if you're a regular blog reader, then you've probably picked up on this, too. (though hopefully in not such an obvious way? maybe?) since i've put on my first year of marriage extra weight i've had people congratulating me, coming up to rub my stomach, and asking how my kids were (this one still confuses me. i haven't even been married a year. this was not a shotgun wedding, people, let me assure you). for the most part, i just find the whole thing amusing. i have been working on watching what i eat and trying to make sure i have some sort of activity in every day (weight loss for the lazy and unmotivated), and honestly, i'm not as bothered about it most days as a lot of people would be.

i think i mentioned on here that one of my professors thought i was pregnant. he said it so matter-of-factly in the middle of a long-winded speech and immediately followed it with "so i'll go easy on you" that i just never got around to correcting him. he mentioned my "pregnancy" indirectly a couple of times after that, and there was just no way to correct the misconception without a whole lot of awkwardness. and since i probably won't see him again after the end of this semester, i was okay with avoiding the awkward conversation. apparently he wasn't.

last week he said to me, "i hope you don't bail out on us next week (we have presentations)." when i looked confused he added, "aren't you due soon?" now, some people may have gotten embarrassed or offended that someone thought they were nine months pregnant. i thought it was hilarious. because i may have gained some weight, but i know i don't look like i could pop out a baby in the next week. i answered with an awkward laugh and some stupid comment and the moment passed.

tonight, in the middle of a mid-presentation pizza party break, he came up to me apologizing for something. i had no idea what he was talking about at first because he was saying things like, "i wanted to apologize... i didn't see... i was going to last week... i wanted to apologize when you were alone..." i was basically thinking, "huh?" while still assuring him that it was okay. and then i suddenly figured out that he had figured out that he had been mistaken all semester and just wanted the conversation to stop. of course it didn't because he just couldn't stop with his awkward, half-finished apologies as he wrung his hands and got redder and redder. let me tell you, this conversation was so much more awkward and embarrassing than having him think i was pregnant. trust me. and then he said something like, "it's just cause you sit like that..."

um, what?

so apparently i sit like a pregnant lady. however pregnant ladies sit. i've also been told that i stand like a pregnant lady sometimes. i've been told i have the moods of a pregnant lady. lesson learned: i was born pregnant without the pregnancy and there's just nothing i can do about it. except maybe get pregnant? (no thanks.)

also, this was longer than i intended it to be.

*How Would You Like It - Jem

haven't you people ever heard of closing the god damn door?

i have had blogger's block recently. actually, it's more like extreme laziness mixed with bad internet connection and a case of ADD. but while reading Tova's Totally Awkward Tuesday (in the living room where connection actually exists) i thought of a couple more of my own awkward moments.

this one happened when i was ten i think. i actually have no idea, but it was around that time. we used to sleep over at K and A's the entire summer. their home was and still is like an extension of our own. we were never considered guests and would basically go about the house as if we owned the place. they lived in two apartments which were connected through a bedroom which ended up as more of a storage room. my aunt, her husband, K, and A in one apartment. the other apartment was for the brothers. at the time, though, one of the brothers had married so it was basically just for one dude... and all the sodas. so one day, feeling like a soda, i went on over to the other apartment. i knocked on the door first, and no one answered so i assumed that he wasnt home, which was great for me because this dude used to creep me out a bit. he was akwardness personified. anyways, i open the door and start heading towards the kitchen. there was a bathroom right next to the door i came through, but i didnt even spare it a glance. or, i wouldnt have except that i heard a commotion come from it. apparently the brother was in the bathroom (thats why he didnt answer the door). problem was, i guess he doesnt close bathroom doors when he's alone. now, under different circumstances i might have just pretended i hadnt noticed him and continued to the kitchen. but this guy was making a serious commotion and, like a car crash, i couldnt look away. after a minute or so i regained my senses and rushed back to the other apartment sans soda. needless to say, i had other people get me my soda for the rest of the summer.

*I Write Sins Not Tragedies - Panic! at the Disco

the room is still, but we're about to fall

one of the blogs i read, The Secret Life of Tova Darling, has this thing called Totally Awkward Tuesday, where she (and whoever wants to participate) writes an awkward story that happened to them. though i could swear that 93% of my entire life has consisted of awkward moments, i could never think of one to write on the spot. my cousin reminded me of this by talking about the embarrassment of falling down in public.

i went to a private girls' high school, but the boys were just on the other side of some green doors and would sometimes mix in with us - buses, assemblies, and occassionally classes. my ap bio lab junior year was 'mixed.' though calling it that is a bit of a stretch as there was really only one boy in ap bio (the reason it made sense to mix the labs). i have pretty much succeeded in blocking this guy out of my memory because of a few embarrassing moments concerning him, but i'm pretty sure he was your typical nerd. and i'm pretty sure he wasnt a big fan of the rest of us for some reason (we once brought him a free smoothie from a smoothie sale we did to be nice... he didnt drink it and threw it away at the end of class :/).

anyways, our classroom had two long tables that we all sat at on bar stools, the three legged backless ones with the rung thingie at the bottom. there were cabinets along the sides of the tables that held bio and ap bio books. i sat right behind one of the ap bio book cabinets.

the basic layout of the classroom. circles are the other students.

so one day, about halfway through class, our teacher says to get out our books and look at something on page whatever. i had the books for our table so i pass one to my friend in front of me, put one in front of myself, and then went to hand one to the guy. for some reason, he wasnt feeling particularly helpful, so i had to stand up to reach over the table to put it in front of him. unfortunately, my foot had been resting on the rung thingie on the stool and when i tried to stand up. it got stuck, and i wound up sprawled across the table looking up at the face the guy was trying to keep straight. ive always been a big blusher, so of course my face was tomato red and burning. i practically jumped up off the table and scrambled back into my seat, hoping for the floor to open and swallow me up.

thankfully, the teacher hadnt noticed anything and was still explaining, so i could only hope everyone was listening to her. i sat at the back of the room, so the chances of anyone having seen my fall was slim. i glance around casually, just to make sure, and at the far side of the room i see my friends dying of silent laughter.

even the people who didnt see me fall were still talking about it when i graduated.

*Falling Over Me - Demi Lovato