Wednesday, May 2, 2012

please stop talking to me

if you know me in real life, you know that my favorite thing to talk about recently is the fact that the world and its mother believes me to be pregnant. if you're a regular blog reader, then you've probably picked up on this, too. (though hopefully in not such an obvious way? maybe?) since i've put on my first year of marriage extra weight i've had people congratulating me, coming up to rub my stomach, and asking how my kids were (this one still confuses me. i haven't even been married a year. this was not a shotgun wedding, people, let me assure you). for the most part, i just find the whole thing amusing. i have been working on watching what i eat and trying to make sure i have some sort of activity in every day (weight loss for the lazy and unmotivated), and honestly, i'm not as bothered about it most days as a lot of people would be.

i think i mentioned on here that one of my professors thought i was pregnant. he said it so matter-of-factly in the middle of a long-winded speech and immediately followed it with "so i'll go easy on you" that i just never got around to correcting him. he mentioned my "pregnancy" indirectly a couple of times after that, and there was just no way to correct the misconception without a whole lot of awkwardness. and since i probably won't see him again after the end of this semester, i was okay with avoiding the awkward conversation. apparently he wasn't.

last week he said to me, "i hope you don't bail out on us next week (we have presentations)." when i looked confused he added, "aren't you due soon?" now, some people may have gotten embarrassed or offended that someone thought they were nine months pregnant. i thought it was hilarious. because i may have gained some weight, but i know i don't look like i could pop out a baby in the next week. i answered with an awkward laugh and some stupid comment and the moment passed.

tonight, in the middle of a mid-presentation pizza party break, he came up to me apologizing for something. i had no idea what he was talking about at first because he was saying things like, "i wanted to apologize... i didn't see... i was going to last week... i wanted to apologize when you were alone..." i was basically thinking, "huh?" while still assuring him that it was okay. and then i suddenly figured out that he had figured out that he had been mistaken all semester and just wanted the conversation to stop. of course it didn't because he just couldn't stop with his awkward, half-finished apologies as he wrung his hands and got redder and redder. let me tell you, this conversation was so much more awkward and embarrassing than having him think i was pregnant. trust me. and then he said something like, "it's just cause you sit like that..."

um, what?

so apparently i sit like a pregnant lady. however pregnant ladies sit. i've also been told that i stand like a pregnant lady sometimes. i've been told i have the moods of a pregnant lady. lesson learned: i was born pregnant without the pregnancy and there's just nothing i can do about it. except maybe get pregnant? (no thanks.)

also, this was longer than i intended it to be.

*How Would You Like It - Jem


  1. It may be long... but I'm cracking up.

    Is really funny

    How do people mean "You sit/stand like a pregnant woman"? Every pregnancy is different so where has this come from....?

    I just find awkward situations like that funny

    1. i have no idea! i've never known there to be a special way that pregnant ladies sit. i mean, i slouch a lot, but i don't think pregnant ladies do? in my experience, they'd rather lean back than forward. standing... well, i stand with my hand on my back sometimes which i guess is the signature pregnancy pose. it's just so comfortable i do it without thinking. and as i was telling the story of this to my sister, i was cracking up, but in the moment all i could think was, "okay, dude, shut up and go away." definitely the most awkward conversation i've had in a really long time. which is saying something because i have a lot of awkward conversations.

  2. anonymous hippopotamusMay 3, 2012 at 8:08 AM

    no no long is good...and this isn't loong at all! when i had gotten married that septembet abood had some sort of i went i think you were with me. Abla Maysoon told me mabrook...and then said if you're not pregnant why are you fat? :( and i was in the auditorium holding aboods hand and abla noha said congrats your son is adorable. i was like ABLAAAA!! i just got married july how could this be my son?!

    so you're not alone. oh! and you forgot to mention that you have that pregnant glow :D lol

    1. haha i remember that. you were so annoyed with everyone. i just think it's funny.

      and omg i don't know how i forgot my pregnant lady's glow!