Thursday, March 31, 2011

i'll do it tomorrow - that seems like a pretty good idea to me

i have no classes on wednesday, so i decided to devote the entire day to writing one of my papers. (i have officially turned into the slacker partner on this project and let me tell you it is not a fun feeling. mainly because while i know i can do this in my sleep, my partner doesn't.) here's what really happened yesterday. (i know this because i started writing this post yesterday in the midst of my studiousness. anyway, here are the steps to take to have a study day with me:

put off starting until around twelve because tv reruns aren't playing for themselves.

open a new openoffice document, the project proposal, and the pitiful notes you wrote up last time you decided to buckle down and do this assignment.

check your email. all accounts.

open your partner's part, and skim through the first paragraph. decide you'll edit it after you finish yours.

check to see if any blogs have been updated.

check the weather.

check some fake news stories.

type the title of your paper in the new document.

spend five minutes trying to decide whether you should use font size 14 or 16 for the title. choose 14.

decide you need to put on music since you just downloaded the first half or your new songs list. wait for itunes to open.

type a sentence. delete it. retype it exactly the same way.

go to ebay. watch a few items for your sister's birthday.

write another sentence.

pause your work to sing along to this song.

open blogger and click 'new post.' start a list of everything you have done so far.

go back to your paper and change the title back to size 12 for now.

have your parents suggest you go get/try on your wedding dress.


go pick up your veil and stuff and make sure the wedding dress fits.

come home and get back to your paper.

delete the two sentences you have and write four new ones.

download a program that you were supposed to have already used for this paper.

wash dishes.

stand in the kitchen talking to your dad while he makes dinner.

open the door when the brothers come home from school.

eat dinner.

wash dishes.

play around with recently downloaded program. take a few screenshots.

go help your dad with his computer. spend an hour listening to him talk about how his computer is slow.

read with the boys before they sleep.

erase what you have of your paper and write an excellent first two paragraphs. congratulate yourself on your ability to write a good intro. reread the paragraphs.

check your email.

check to see if grades were posted for midterms/homeworks/anything. (they weren't.)

go pick up your sister from school. take a half hour nap in the car waiting for her.

come home.

close all documents relating to the paper.

turn off joe.



huh. this was a bit longer than i had planned. if i can transfer the energy i put into procrastinating into my paper, i may actually get it done by saturday like i want (read: need) to. anyway, i'm off to be productive... after i eat something of course.

*Tomorrow - Wall of Voodoo

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

it's the terror of knowing what this world is about

when my dad was younger he used to read a lot, so i assume he must have had an imagination. but somewhere along the path to growing up, he lost it. maybe it fell into the oceans he flew over it time after time after time. maybe he forgot it in his pocket and the drier stole it to keep the lost socks company. maybe it fell behind the bookcase or is stuck under the couch cushion. maybe it ran off to play with the dust bunnies or maybe one day it just died. maybe it was put out like a flame or crushed under the heel of reality. no matter what happened to it, the important thing is that it's gone.

i remember one time i was saying that i wanted to be a pirate. to live on the sea with no ties to anything that you don't carry with you. to be so totally in control of your future and have it so completely out of your hands at the same time. the whole life was just glittering with impossibility and fantasy and i wanted it. of course, i knew i was falling for the disney romanticized version of pirate life. i knew i was never going to be a pirate. i knew it just as much as i knew that i would never get my castle in the clouds. i talked about it anyway. my dad, though, didn't seem to realize i knew. he went on and on about how pirates are thieves and about how awful life would be and a bunch of other realistic stuff. no matter how much i tried to explain that i didn't really want to be a pirate, that it was just fun to imagine it, he couldn't - or wouldn't - get it.

when my brothers and i finish a book together, we usually have some sort of final discussion about it: the themes, the characters, the plot. after reading tuck everlasting, we debated the pros and cons of living forever. the next day my brother went to my dad and asked him if he would drink from a spring of water that froze you in time, if he would choose eternal life. my dad's answer? that can't happen. everyone grows up; everyone dies. my brother lasted longer than i did with the pirates, saying that he knows it could never happen, but what if. my dad never answered him. he just kept repeating that it could never happen so why think about it?

i wonder if losing your imagination is just a part of growing up, like losing your hair and your memory. if that's true then the day my imagination dies, i might as well die with it. i really don't think i could bear this world without the escapes i can create in my mind. if i suddenly refused to think about things that were "never going to happen," if i woke up one day fully resigned to the fact that life right now is all there is, if i wouldn't clap for tinkerbell "because fairies don't exist so what's the point?" then you should just start planning my funeral. i wonder how the people who grow up with the ability to pen fantastical worlds and calmly discuss the pros and cons of elf labor have managed to hold on to their magic.

is there a defining moment in life where you choose between the technicolor road and the black and white one? or is the choice never yours to make? if you live in reality too long, do you just lose the ability to think beyond it?

*Under Pressure - David Bowie and Queen

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

i'm ashamed i think maybe sometimes i might have used tricks to make you like me more

lately i've realized that more of my posts than usual are being assigned permanent draft status. not because i don't want to post them, but because i can't. well, okay so technically i can but i feel that i can't for some reason which i guess you could take to mean that i don't want to, and now i am talking in circles. anyway, it was a shocking (for lack of a better word) realization because i have always posted whatever i wanted to on this here blog of mine. but yesterday i wrote a slightly ranting post and couldn't bring myself to hit the publish button. i couldn't figure out why. it wasn't poorly written and even had a bit of wit hiding behind a couple of sentences, but i just couldn't do it.

i thought at first that i have reached the point where too many people i know read my blog - or that the wrong people i know read my blog. maybe i didn't want to give them any access to the workings or lack thereof of my mind. but that wasn't it. the people in my life that i wouldn't want reading this thing don't know it exists. at least, i'm ninety nine percent sure they don't. then i thought that maybe it was because i knew some readers would immediately assume i was ranting about them or someone they know when i probably wasn't. but so what, right? i mean, there have been a lot of times in the past that people have asked me, "was that last blog post about me?" and whether it was or wasn't, a mocking comment about how neither the world nor my blog revolved around them usually settled the matter before they could start giving me reasonings and rationalizations that i honestly did not want to hear. why would i start caring about that now? so finally i thought that maybe i just couldn't bring myself to publish anymore whining on this thing, though that has never stopped me before and i'm not sure why it would now. i possibly wanted to pretend i am something different than i am, but i don't think so. i'm not so naive that i think not documenting a moment or feeling will mean that it never existed. and i'm not writing this blog to make people like me (though i have met a bunch of awesome people through blogging).

anyway, point is, i have no idea why i'm suddenly reverting back to my old habits of tiptoeing around everything and everyone in the one place that i don't have to do that, but i'm going to stop. aside from not mentioning names, i haven't felt the need to censor any feelings i have about people/events in the two plus years i've been spewing out every pointless thought of mine, and i'm not going to start now. from this point forward, i will go back to writing what i want. if you think i'm writing something bad about you, well then you may be too narcissistic for your own good. it probably has nothing to do with you. and if it does, oh well.

(let me direct you back to this old post that was a bit of a disclaimer about who i'll mention.)

*Left & Right in the Dark - Julian Casablancas

Sunday, March 27, 2011

same old story, not much to say

while making tea today, i accidentally spilled boiling hot water all over myself - well, my left hand up past my wrist by an inch or two, the thumb on my other hand, and a bit on my shirt. this was four hours ago. my left hand still burns. my thumb is fine until something rubs up against it. then ouch. the skin on my hand also feels kinda tight now. it's weird.

i had so much work to do over the weekend. it is now sunday night and i have done nothing. no one is surprised. 

my brothers and i made pancakes with sprinkles in them for breakfast today (which involved me waking up before the sun again ugh). the sprinkles melted into the batter and made it really pretty and colorful. 

i thought my brother was suffering from his usual allergies over the past few days, and allergies are not contagious. turns out, he probably has a cold, which is contagious, and i think i caught it. i don't really have time right now to get sick. my sister also just sneezed a bajillion times which is never a good sign.

i realized that i probably won't get into any phd program because they all require work experience in the field, of which i have none. i still have to try and apply, though, which means i need to take the gre. i think subconsciously i really really don't want to do any more school because i cannot get myself to go look for test times and location and whatnot. blech. why is it so difficult/tedious to continue your education? 

i'm debating whether to start on a paper or read a book before i inevitably fall asleep way too early. i'm thinking i should just let the weekend end in homework hopelessness and go read. i'm pretty confident that i'm making the right choice. 

*You Were Meant for Me - Jewel

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

i'm walking down the line that divides me somewhere in my mind

in this story of my life, i am the protagonist. i am the hero. i am every lesson i've ever learned and the finish line of every race. i am laughs that make stomachs ache, rainbows after storms, and the overwhelming relief of crying out sorrows. i am getting the right answer after trying, trying, trying without giving up. i am on the inside of an inside joke and outside the boundaries of reality. i am sunflowers and daisies and birdsong on a spring breeze. i am the helping hand and the shoulder to lean on. i am cheerleader, coach, team, and water boy. i am the sunrise. i am the sunset. i am the magic that sparks like electricity in the atmosphere.

in this story of my life, i am the antogonist. i am the villain. i am the obstacles to overcome and the tears cried in vain. i am the slump of shoulders in defeat. i am every mistake i've ever made and every regret that fights off sleep. i am droughts and floods and earthquakes. i am the foot subtly stuck out to trip. i am tangled lies and twisted tongues. i am the snake hiding in the grass waiting, waiting, waiting to strike. i am termites feasting on destruction. i am forgetting lines, dates, pants. i am an all-nighter for an assignment due last week. i am the shame in giving up and the weight of the world. i am the ghost. i am the monster. i am the terror that sends chills racing down spines.

in this story of my life, i am the extras. i am watching it all pass from the sidelines. i am the overlooked, the unheard, the never seen. i am the heat waves shimmering above hot asphalt and the balloon riding the wind. i am the space between then and now. i am a tuesday in may. i am a placeholder. i am windblown hair. i am selling hot dogs in the bleachers and shining shoes in the streets. i am mowing lawns, shoveling snow, raking leaves. i am the stand-in just famous enough to be ignored. i am the shadow. i am the reflection. i am the tick, tick, ticking of the clock in the background.

in this story of my life, i am me.

*Boulevard of Broken Songs - Green Day, Oasis, Travis

Monday, March 21, 2011

i hope this helps to clarify, i hope you die

remember how a few days ago i mentioned how i was annoyed at my professor because he changed the homework assignment after i had already started it? well, aside from being a whiner and procrastinator, i am actually a pretty responsible student so the next day i sat myself down and worked through 99% of it. i did all the book questions, all the questions from his head, and most of the decodings. all i had left was one message i was having trouble with despite trying since friday. i even offered a $100 reward to anyone in my family that could solve it. it's still unsolved.

anyway, i go into the school library this morning to get a couple of things i'll need for my exam tonight (which i was supposed to study for today). i sign in to blackboard and there's an announcement from my thursday class professor. i open it and see red. he changed the homework. again. dude, what the hell?! i cannot keep spending hours doing homework for you that you are going to change. make up your mind on what you want us to do and then post it to blackboard. do you have any idea how much time i have wasted on work he refuses to even look at? do you know how much stuff i could have used that time to do? i have other classes. i have family. i have things. i swear to god if he changes it one more time something really bad is going to happen. and then i also have a huge paper + 40 minute presentation to do for this class with a worthless partner that i haven't had the chance to even start on because every minute of my work time is spent doing pointless homework questions. there are really no words to describe how ridiculous this is. it's just.... GAH. 

you don't understand how much i hate this class. i don't learn anything, at all. it makes me feel ridiculously stupid. it is such a waste of my time. i can't stand most of the people in the class. i'm 98% sure it will screw up my gpa. the professor is a moron who can't just stick to what he says. and the thing that kills me is that i don't even really need it. it was supposed to be an easy elective. remind me next time to not try and take the easy way out. 

so i am left debating whether to spend my day studying for tonight's exam or working on this stupid assignment that will probably be different when i wake up in the morning. it's like he's playing a really cruel joke on us that is not funny in the least bit. someone make him stop. 

UPDATE: turns out, i had solved the code myself yesterday afternoon. a lot of the words seemed wrong and everyone laughed when i read it though so i went on to waste an entire day trying to solve it again. it was the first stanza of lewis carroll's jabberwocky.

*I Hope You Die - Bloodhound Gang

Friday, March 18, 2011

you're just a sad song with nothing to say

so i've actually been pretty occupied with busy nothings this past week. you know, those things that eat up all your time but you don't feel like you have much to show for them? (i'm talking more about folding clothes and washing dishes than lounging in front of the tv.) yeah, they sucked up my spring break. in the midst of all of those, though, i tried writing a blog post. it took two days and the tone of the post changed so much every time i got the chance to add a few lines to it that i think it will be forever drafted (or deleted). the main gist of it was that my professor had posted a homework assignment a few weeks ago. for the first time in my life i decided not to procrastinate and did a few of the questions. he then went and changed the assignment, taking out the ones i had done and putting in new ones. he said he's not accepting answers that were not part of the "official assignment" - even for extra credit. so i have this huge assignment to do now but i'm too annoyed with the professor to concentrate on it. the people who have started said it's hard. i'm pretty much screwed. the post i had been writing started out annoyed, at one part i made a joke out of the whole thing, then i got panicked and desperate, it was in a very angry tone when i abandoned it as hopeless. lesson learned: procrastination is the only way to make it through life with my sanity intact (and all of my belongings).

i am so disenchanted with life at the moment. just, everything about it. i want to skip over my right now... but instead of moving forward, move back? not that i'm living in the past or anything, but it just feels like this disenchantment will be sticking around for a while and i don't really wanna jump ahead to when i'm 70 and retired. reality has become blah at best, and human stupidity is running rampant through the world. now would be a really good time to stumble into narnia, get a long overdue letter to hogwarts, or find out that i am part of a magical sisterhood and travel to a different realm. or you know at the end of inkheart the movie how the girl (i forgot her name) read the author into his book?  yeah, i'd be okay with being read into almost any book on my bookshelf. someone should get on that.

oh, and my watch ticks really loudly. like ridiculously loud. it's slightly depressing, like a really loud reminder of every second that is passing: there goes a second that i could've been working, there's goes a second that i was alive, now i'm closer to failing, now i'm closer to dying. having it tick while doing my work is like someone playing the jeopardy music throughout your exam. it makes the whole thing more nerve-wracking.

*Disenchanted - My Chemical Romance

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

you don't do anything

[one] 97.2: a pretty random number, wouldn't you think? but it has been popping up everywhere today. i bought a burt's bees shampoo a while back to try. this morning, when i was taking the empty bottle out of the shower, i noticed for the first time that the label says it is 97.2%  natural. later, i'm reading paper towns and one of the main characters says that she is 97.2% sure about something (pg 62). while standing in line to get a turtle mocha from caribou, the lady in front of me tells her friend that there is a 97.2% chance of rain today.  have i just been out of the loop on the popularity of this number?

[two] i woke up with a need to write something (not to be confused with "anything"), but i cannot for the life of me figure out what it is. i've written a few different things today (or parts of a few different things), but always feel like i need to write something else. like there is something struggling to get out, but i can't quite find it in my mind so a bunch of other things come out instead, and it's still in there somewhere, fists banging against a locked door, screaming for release. the fact that i don't have the key is moot since i can't even find the door.

[three] i don't understand why the kitchen has to be so far away from my room. i think i might die from dehydration and there is an entire flight of stairs between me and the cups/water/juice. it may as well be an ocean, or a fiery pit of lava, or a swamp filled with hungry alligators and quicksand because there is no way i am going to walk down all those stairs and then back up three minutes later. i swear, one day my laziness will kill me and when i lay there dying i'll think about regretting my refusal to exert any energy whatsoever but will probably be too lazy to actually do the regretting. my last few moments of life will be a total waste of time. to make it worse, what i really feel like is a root beer and that's all the way in the garage. woe is me. 

*Wrong! - The Mountain Goats

Monday, March 14, 2011

so much to do

i feel so productive. i woke up today at five to make sure the boys got up for school, dressed, and breakfasted. i made lunches and did last minute homework checks. i watched ben ten and made sure they got on the bus then ate breakfast myself. i then did a take home midterm for one of my classes, the first question of which took four pages to answer. four. pages. is that not ridiculous? and that was with leaving out a bunch of stuff cause i just didn't feel like typing everything. there were eight questions total. it was a ridiculously long test. after that i cleaned the house - down to scrubbing and disinfecting the kitchen trash can cause it was starting to look gross again. i just don't get the appeal of white trash cans. they start looking grimy so fast. i did laundry. i showered. dinner is on the oven. i'm about to go make something for dessert. i'm updating my blog, which i've been meaning to do all weekend. the boys will be back from school in fifteen minutes and then we'll eat, do homework, pick up my sister, and chill till their bed time. i haven't had a stress-free productive day in so long. it feels good.

but anyway, i read this the other day and got super excited. teen nick is going to start airing all the shows i grew up watching. yes, they will be showing at midnight to two and i've been sleeping at eleven:thirty nightly, but that's okay. i'll stay up. i miss shows like kenan and kel and clarissa explains it all. they don't make them like that anymore. (i realize that up until last month i would spend hours watching iCarly, victorious, and big time rush and will probably continue watching them whenever i take up tv again, but that doesn't mean i don't think my generation's tv was better.)

to end with a random note, my brother made a solar powered oven for his science fair a couple of weeks ago, but we've just had rain and overcast days so he hasn't gotten a chance to actually use it yet. this weekend we finally got a little sun so we decided to do his experiment. he wanted to see if the oven could cook marshmallows, hot dogs, and frozen pizza. saturday didn't really get sunny until two:thirty which means the sun wasn't really warm, so we sat out for a few hours and nothing happened. sunday was sunny all day, but still a pretty cool day. it took five hours for the marshmallows to start to cook. and even then they were only starting to get a little gooey on the inside. we had to stop though cause the wind kept blowing the oven away. if it took five hours for marshmallows, i am dreading the hotdogs and pizza.

*All Star - Smash Mouth

Thursday, March 10, 2011

i feel stupid

class tonight was awful. i have never felt so incredibly dense in my entire life. my brain could not seem to register anything my professor said, and the little that it did made no sense at all. and when he was firing out review questions and the entire class was shouting out right answers, i was just like "ummm..." i didn't know how they were getting the answers, what they were even trying to find, why they were doing anything. i have felt stupid before, but this just went above and beyond. i was trying to focus and learn, but my brain must have been stolen because it sure wasn't helping. i'm thinking i need to buckle down and teach myself to understand during spring break. not a very appealing thought.

i really don't like this class. the professor as a person is a pretty cool guy, and as a teacher he's actually not so bad anymore, but i cannot stand the class. and the professor grades in pluses and minuses which i absolutely abhor. and i'll probably end up with an A- and ruin my gpa which i was hoping to keep at 4.0 for my master's. figures that the class i took as an easy elective would be the one that messes me up. gah.

moving on from my newfound stupidity, i was told today that the epilogue of harry potter 7 was so much better when you listened to stephen fry read it to you. i gave it a shot and still thought it wasn't up to snuff. you try and let me know what you think.

oh, and today (in my timezone) was my nephew's second birthday. it seriously does not feel like an entire year has passed since we were at his first birthday party with my cousin. years fly by like weeks these days. it's kinda scary. is this what growing up is?

*Mad Season - Matchbox 20

i've got nothing to say

i turn on joe this morning and decide that i will write a blog post before i get caught up in the nothingness that i do all day and miss the opportunity. i click on the new post button, stare at the cursor blinking in the empty box they give me, and... nothing. i can't think of a single thing to write. i check all the drafts i have piling up, but i don't feel like writing about/continuing any of them. i check my email. i check my other email. i check a third email. i come back to blogger and stare at the cursor. i read other people's blogs. i check formspring. i check blackboard. i watch the rain fall lightly outside of my window for a while. i stare at the blinking cursor. i check facebook. i check the weather. (you know, in case nbc wants to tell me that the rain outside my window is an illusion and we're really going to have a bright and sunny day.) i think that maybe i should start working on making a dent in the mountain of homework and assignments i have pushed under my rug. i hurry back to blogger to stare at the blinking cursor. writing about my inability to write seemed more productive than homework. especially when spring break is next week.

i used a lotion this morning that my sister left at our house before she abandoned the western hemisphere. i now understand why she left it. it smelled awful - like cough medicine mixed with ew. my hands were dry again ten minutes later. i used a different lotion that was definitely not unscented, despite statements on the bottle claiming otherwise. now my hands smell like cough medicine, ew, and new car. soap hasn't really helped.

also, i am on the hunt for music to really fall in love with. it has been a while since i found a song to listen to on repeat for hours. i have found some good music, yes, but nothing that i really fell in love with deep down in my soul. suggestions of your all-time favorite songs are welcome. and your current favorite songs. and that song that might become a favorite if you just listen to it one more time. help me out, people.

*Ask Me Anything - The Strokes

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

you're right, you're right, there is no point

can someone please tell me why gas prices are sky rocketing? (okay, okay, i know it's because of unrest in the middle east and stuff. whatever.) every day i wake up to find them ten cents higher than they were the night before. we're inching towards four bucks a gallon, and that is when i will trade in the car for a nice pair of sneakers. healthy, cheap, and environmentally friendly... what more could a person ask for? (besides heat and not having to leave the house three hours before before class to get there on time.) but i mean, seriously, it's getting ridiculous, and i think it should stop.

in other news, i went to toys r us today to get a stuffed giraffe for my sister. his name is george, but i don't think i'll ever see him again. right now, he's laying in the trunk of my car waiting for tomorrow when he'll probably end up with her stat professor. when i bought him, the cashier looked at me like i was weird. i was just like, i'm in toys r us, what do you expect me to buy? bran muffins?

i also went to my doctor today. i got a blood test that i was saying i needed to get for the past three years. i feel accomplished. i gave the secretary lady my insurance card cause i changed my insurance since the last time i went to them, but she was on the phone so she held on to it to file it or whatever while i was in with the doctor. when i came out, i forgot to take it back from her, and she forgot to give it back to me. so now i have to go get it from them tomorrow or something. annoying.

oh, and in class tonight, i didn't hear a single word my professor said. not one. it was slightly sad cause no one was listening or paying any attention to him. the dude doesn't know how to dismiss us and the ends of classes are always really awkward - full of hesitant pauses and nervous laughs. anyway, tonight i look up and he's just sitting in the front playing with his laptop and everyone else is on their computers doing their own stuff. i wait a second and realize that he had finished with the lecture. either that, or gave up on us. one by one, the class starts to realize that he's not talking anymore. we stare at him for a couple of minutes, someone makes some comment about the upcoming midterm, and then we kind of shuffle out of the class. i actually felt bad for him, but the class is just. too. boring.

*There is No Point - Exploited

Friday, March 4, 2011

why did you do it?

so, i got an email this morning from amazon telling me that since i ordered water for elephants a while back, they'd like to inform me that it's coming out in movie form late april and i should totally go see it. at first, i was like okay cool, thanks amazon. i mean, i already knew that, but that was very nice of you. as i was hitting delete, though, it occurred to me that when amazon usually recommends i watch/read something, it's something sold by amazon. you know, it's their personalized advertising or what have you. but they could get nothing out of this suggestion. have we really moved beyond a purely business relationship? are we now, dare i say it, friends? while these thoughts were making their way through my mind, suspicions began to trickle in too. why was amazon so invested in this movie? they must have some hidden agenda. they were obviously in cahoots with the movie industry. there is definitely something going on behind the scenes here, right? personally, though, i'm just going to pretend we're now best friends and i'm not shoveling money into a twisted relationship built on lies and deceit. it makes me feel better about myself.

on another note, i mentioned on a friend's blog the other day that there should be a fried shrimp fast food place, and since then that's all i can think of. (okay, no not really, but i keep going back to it.) i want fried shrimp and i don't want to make it at home (as my dad suggested) or go to a real restaurant (as logic suggests). i want it made in three minutes and handed to me in a paper bag. i'm sure there must be some place that does this somewhere close to me.

*Why Did You Do It? - Stretch

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

i don't want to spend my life on trial for something that i did not do

okay world, listen up. enough is enough already. you have all had an entire decade (well, just about) to enjoy your idea that arabs/muslims= evil terrorists, and to be honest, i think that we have shouldered the whole thing pretty well for the most part. but i think it's time to move on. really. ten years is more than enough time for a fad to fade, and this is just what this whole thing was. and frankly, i'm sick of it. sick to death.

in my sophomore year of high school, my social studies teacher was german. i remember her telling us all to prepare ourselves for years and years of being the bad guy. after world war two, she said, evil became synonymous with german, and it lasted until the tragedy at the world trade center. that was almost sixty years! people are more open minded now, i thought. there's no way they could not see that what a minority did does not reflect the views of the entire race/religion. but she was right. just shy of ten years later, and we are still being blamed for what a small faction are believed to have done. the idea is ingrained in our very society. listen to the bad guys in the movies you watch, even the ones that aren't arab have an arab accent. even animated villains sound like they could come right off the streets of saudi arabia. (pre-9/11 days they generally had german accents.)

so when someone mentions terrorists, spare me the pointed looks. (yes i'm talking to you, girl in the front row of my accounting class.) when you see an arab going on a plane, stop your knees from shaking with fear. chances are, we're more concerned about what movies will be showing than how to turn the plane around. when you want a villain for your movie, get a little creative. arab terrorist? so overdone. how about a nice cookie-baking grandmother for a change? maybe even with a nice, nonthreatening english accent. (no. this is not my way of saying that the english should be the next bad guys.)

it only takes a kitten about a week to open its eyes, and yet we, the self-proclaimed higher species, have kept ours shut tight for almost a decade. the very fact that i'm standing here for you to stereotype kind of means that i did not crash a plane into a building. you know, logic and whatnot. so if that's true, why am i still being blamed? the six year old in me has had enough of the twenty something's patience and just wants to say, "but i didn't do it!"

okay, well, i'm going to go shove my soap box back into the back of the closet, check to see if my professor emailed me back yet, and get ready to go to school. carry on with your lives.

*Infatuation - Maroon 5