what have i become, my sweetest friend?

it's been a long day (and week and month). keep that in mind if anything i write stops making sense.

so it took twenty five years and a few degrees, but my student integrity has finally died. (the little that i had, i mean.) yesterday morning, i became *deep breath* a spark noteser. i know, i know. it's awful.

back in high school, i would never have dreamed of using spark notes instead of doing the required reading. sure, most of the reading consisted mainly of novels and i love to read, but still. i was an avid read-aheader and even the idea of spark notes was slightly ridiculous to me. in undergrad, i either did the required reading or i didn't. (and once i finished the honors/gen ed classes i mainly didn't.) there was no middle ground cheating. in grad school, i just didn't do reading. i'm not sure if any was ever assigned (i'm guessing it probably was) but i just didn't do it. actually, i did read a few news articles and one chapter now that i think about it, but for the most part i didn't even buy a lot of the books. i know, i'm a great student. but when everything is on a powerpoint slide that the professor makes available to us, what's the point, you know?

but now that i am officially a "scholar" (that happened with the piece of paper saying i had earned my MS. boy, can i fool people.), now that i have finished all the classes i need, now that i am just taking extra credits, i have turned to spark notes instead of real books. it's sad really. i'd feel ashamed if i cared at all, but i just can't seem to muster the energy. i am so done with school. i have neither the time nor the motivation to read through three philosophy books in a week just because someone tells me to, and so, to the spark notesers i always secretly judged even while saying i didn't, i'm sorry. i'd like to join your club. i'll bring cookies.

*Hurt - Johnny Cash

i'm sorry for the way i am

i think that it's just about time for me to issue a formal apology to the members of the IT community for being, as my brothers would say, "a suckish IT person."

i would like to apologize for the fact that i am perhaps the last person on earth that doesn't have a smart phone. the crappy thing i've been carrying around for the past three years or so came free from the phone company, has the memory of the proverbial goldfish, and has a camera that's not even good enough to be measured in megapixels. but to be completely honest, i hate phones and really don't think spending hundreds of dollars on something that will stay in a pocket or bag ignored for days is a very good investment. i always said i was too practical to be cool.

i am sorry that i prefer ink to pixels. i know that ereaders are the coolest thing since the ibm personal computer. they're practical and efficient and good for the environment. they're portable and convenient and everything else. i know all that, i really do. i have an ereader that i love. i named him and everything. but i will always prefer the actual turning of pages over pressing a button, and i am sorry that that is so terribly un-IT of me.

i apologize for choosing novels over computer manuals and personal blogs over info security ones. i'm sorry that the idea of a computer convention does not send chills of excitement running up and down my spine. i apologize for not keeping up with all of the technological advances happening every day. i know i should be more excited for my wired magazine to come than for my writer's digest, but most of the time i'm just not. i'm sorry that i don't want to electronify the entire world. i'm sorry.

i've seen the looks and and rolled eyes. i've heard the snickers and words whispered behind cupped hands.i know. but before you kick me out, i'd just like to say that i'm really not bad at this whole computer thing, and i actually do like it. well, most of the time. i've been studying it for a while, and that's got to count for something. i think the IT crowd is hilarious, read xkcd comics, and honestly laugh at most tech jokes. i may someday even make great contributions to the field, though my lack of ambition makes me think that i probably won't. but who knows? you may one day regret taking away my IT badge. so what do you say we just pretend that i'm not a total disgrace to computer nerds everywhere and let bygones be bygones?

oh, and just in case any of you were wondering, i baked cookies yesterday, and they were delicious. oven: 3, sarah: 1.

*Cold - Crossfade