Tuesday, December 27, 2011

thinking to myself

as we were driving back to the hotel from epcot a little less than an hour ago, i thought to myself, "i know! i'll write a blog post when we get back," and my mind filled with all sorts of exciting and interesting things to write about. but when i got back, i decided to check my mail first, and then change my clothes, and then respond to commenters, and by the time i actually got around to starting a new post, my mind was empty. i'm sure that i have something great to tell all of you, and i will write a trip recap post with all of the highlights when i get back up to virginia, but for the moment, i may as well have spent the last few days trapped in a basement watching infomercials for all of the stories i have to write. though, come to think of it, being trapped in a basement watching infomercials might actually make a pretty interesting post.

anyway, as i was writing the first line of this post, it occurred to me how stupid the phrase "i thought to myself" is. i mean, by nature of the action, thinking is something you do silently in your mind or brain or head or whatever. by that definition, who else would you be thinking to? why do people feel the need to specify that they are the sole audience to their thinking? are there other people hanging out in their heads that they sometimes think to instead? are there times when they do not think to themselves? can they ignore their own thoughts? can they teach me how to do this? did it take a lot of practice? do they actually leave their heads? where do they go? i just have so many questions.

i was supposed to leave to go to my cousin and his family's house at six, which is in four minutes, but i don't know if i want to stand up. i have done oh so much standing this week already, and laying on this bed hanging out in the blogosphere sounds too nice to pass up. the thing is, i haven't seen my cousin since i got here, and the rest of my family has. and he and his family were like super excited for all of us to come and kept telling me to call, but do you know how hard it is to find the time to call someone when you're spending all day in a theme park? six a.m. is too early and at night i'm too tired and during the day is too crazy. and to be perfectly honest, i'm on vacation and i just don't feel like it. i sound like a jerk, don't i? i should stop being lazy and go do my cousinly duties shouldn't i? i'm probably going to regret this decision.

*You Belong With Me - Taylor Swift

Thursday, December 22, 2011

i'm going away for a while, but i'll be back

so i just finished packing for florida and... i need a new wardrobe. desperately. everything i have has either been worn a million times and i am sick to death of it or it doesn't fit me thanks to my new found marriage fat. (this was going to be a post on its own, but i never got around to writing it. basically, everyone in my family - and i'm talking sisters, cousins, aunts, etc - gains weight after marriage. i don't know what it is about us, but i don't like it.) i will be leaving early tomorrow morning, and there is a high chance that i won't be blogging for the next week. hopefully, though, i will come back with a fresh brain that is capable of writing posts that are worth reading.

in my absence, please enjoy this medley of random links and videos.

>>i know that clips of the mickey mouse club are pretty much everywhere since it was where a whole bunch of actors and singers got their start, but this clip of ryan gosling, justin timberlake, and jc whatever his last name is, in my opinion, hilarious. i find the dance thing they do at the end especially funny.

>>remember recess (the cartoon)? well, this class remade the theme song with real people. aside from the fact that the elementary students are suddenly old, i think it's pretty awesome.

>>i thought this was a nice mash-up of the killers' somebody told me and the gorillaz feel good inc. both of which are songs you should listen to if for some reason you never have.

>>this poem, called the cold within, is worth a read. it tells a lot about the way of the world/society.

>>if you're on any other social media sites, you have probably seen the "shit girls say" videos. just in case you haven't, though, you can watch episode one here and episode two here. i have to admit that, stereotypical as this is, i actually do some of these.

>>this amazing fact generator is a great way to procrastinate (in case you were looking for one) and get smarter at the same time. a win - win situation.

>>i found this article interesting about how smartphone cameras are gaining popularity. now 1/3 of all pictures taken are with phones.

oh, and my professor finally posted my grade, officially ending my masters degree, but still no word from mason about the phd program. grr.

also, i was wondering. do people still go caroling these days? if you do or know people who do or see people who do, let me know.

*Misguided Ghosts - Paramore

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

you never left me no messages, you never sent me no letters

ten - the numbers of days it's been since i submitted my final final. still no grade, though. blergh.

nine - the time i've been going to sleep lately. i feel kind of pathetic.

eight - the number of krispy kreme donuts that are currently sitting on my kitchen counter.

seven - the number of days in a week. (i don't know. this is the last number i have, and i really can't think of anything. thinking is hard.)

six - the time the celebratory dinner/whatever it was thingy that mason was throwing for fall graduates ended tonight. i had forgotten about it and missed it.

five - the number of weeks it's been since mason said they'd give me an answer in two to four weeks.

four - the number of people that have noted the fact that i've gained weight in the past three days.

three - the number of days until i will be in florida and thereby finally visiting harry potter world.

two - the number of dozens of sugar cookie men i made. i decorated a few of them as family members. they were cute.

one - the number of hours it has taken me to write this measly post. my brain has officially shut itself off.

*You Found Me - The Fray

Saturday, December 17, 2011

[one] so the other day someone said that i "write like thomas jefferson." granted, this person was a history buff that was in love with tj, but still. i don't really understand the comparison. i haven't written many historical documents lately (or ever) and i don't remember the last time i read anything by jefferson that was a confused list of images masquerading as talent (i mean that in the most affectionate way possible). was jefferson known for his writing? i mean, besides the things that are famous more because of their historical impact on the world than because they read pretty. i'm sure it was a compliment, but it's like when people tell me i write like (insert random author here) because it is the only author they know and think it will make me happy. thanks for the thought, but i don't really mind not writing like the greats. i'd rather you compare me with someone that makes sense. it was the first time i was compared to a founding father, though, in anything.

[two] when i watch the food channel and judges criticize people for having desserts that are "too sweet," i get so confused. i don't understand how a dessert can be too sweet. nothing is too sweet. i mean, unless you hand me a cheeseburger or a taco or something and i take a bite and get a sugar rush. but... dessert is supposed to be sweet. stop trying to be cool.

[three] facebook's new translate button is hilariously entertaining. the other day i just sat there translating my cousins' and friends' statuses and wall posts from arabic to english. some of them made perfect sense, but who cares about those?

[four] yesterday i found myself visiting all these old websites i used to frequent which led me to looking through old files and folders i have saved on my computer. not only did i find ample proof of what a complete dork i was, but i also found a book i had planned to self-publish and sell for charity a few years ago. it was basically just a collection of my prosetry and short stories, some of which have made it on the blog and some of which haven't, but i had completely forgotten about it. i have no idea what to do with it now, but a lot of the pieces were amusing to read through.

[five] for some reason, i cannot choose a title for this post. it will therefor remain title-less. 

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

you're a rotter, mr. grinch, you're the king of sinful sots, your heart's a dead tomato splotched with moldy purple spots

last year i came on here and complained about the idea of santa claus. i said that giving credit to a magical man for all the gifts a parents struggles to get for his/her children was wrong. this year, because i seemingly can't stick to an opinion, i'm here to complain about the opposite.

last year, best buy's commercials all said that santa got his presents from best buy because what they had was cooler than what a magical factory at the end of the world could make. this year, the commercials show moms getting such great presents from best buy that santa is no longer needed. they are doing exactly what i wished they would do last year: taking credit for the gifts.

but for some reason, watching santa become obsolete is more sad than funny. showing that moms who shop at best buy don't need santa is depressing. it's like they're saying that there is no longer any need for magic or wonderment this time of year, which is basically what santa is. a man who rides a sleigh pulled by flying reindeer to deliver presents to children all over the world for nothing but the occasional plate of cookies? yeah, let's get rid of him and then have moms stay up to mock him and rub it in his face that he is no longer needed. what kind of values is that teaching the children? where is your christmas spirit, best buy?

i see now that over the past few years, best buy has been slowly working towards this point of getting rid of santa claus. making him seem less and less competent until they could finally just throw him overboard without causing public outrage. and you know what that means, don't you? the grinch's heart has shrunk back down to three sizes too small, and he owns best buy.

*The Grinch's Theme Song

Monday, December 12, 2011

and now you're back

a few weeks ago (or something like that) my high school bus driver sent me a friend request on facebook. this bus driver was, well... it's a little hard to describe him. i can't quite paint an accurate picture of him with just words. you really had to have been on my bus (which had some super awesome people on it) to really get him. but to try, he spent most of his time with his eyes on the giant rear view mirror thing he has watching the girls, he sometimes made some pervy comments, and not to brag or anything, but i was his favorite student on the bus. he would let me talk, eat, and stand up when no one else was allowed to (of course, everyone did anyway, but that's totally beyond the point). he tried to be our friend by copying the stupid things we did on the bus, like saying hi to random strangers we passed, but he would get annoyed when i brought a camera on the bus because "it made the kids crazy." (this was after he had me take a picture of himself, of course, and email it to him.) anyway, i have fond memories of that bus, and a lot of them include making comments about him being creepy.

the other day, my ap history teacher added me on facebook. this guy was also a character. he was our third teacher for that subject that year (our first one died and our second one was the vice principal or something of the boys' school and couldn't do both) and probably the craziest. the first day he taught us, he broke into song. a week or so before the ap exam, he had us coloring buffaloes in class. because, you know, studying is so overrated. one time, he started shouted something so loud (i forget what, but i think he was being a revolutionist or something) that the teacher from the next room over ran in because she was sure something terrible was happening. another time, he had me read a packet about harvey brown or someone that was as thick as the text book. i read for fifty minutes straight, and it was the most boring class i have ever attended. i still feel sorry for everyone who was forced to listen to me drone on that day. oh, and once, he said that he hoped his daughter grew up to be like me. (yeah, i'm pretty cool, and by that i mean very, very far from it.) i'm painting myself into quite the nerd, aren't i? also, i think his disappointment to the gift we got him at the end of the year - that we thought was perfect - takes the cake for the worst reaction to a present i've ever seen.

anyway, there is a point here. i recently decided that i was going to stop being nostalgic, mopey me. i was going to look to the future and live in the present, etc etc. do you know how hard it is to do that when, not only am i going against my nature, but my past is also on teen nick every day, on the radio every night, and now adding me on facebook? i'm not sure my resolution is going to last very long.

oh, and in case you were wondering, mason still hasn't answered me. anxiety is beginning to take over. i better have an answer before i go to florida.

*I Will Survive - Gloria Gaynor

Saturday, December 10, 2011

last night she said

my final exam has been completed and submitted and i am officially done with all work related to my master's. i thought it fitting that the very last question on the exam was a monty python and the holy grail reference, since the movie has haunted my entire educational career since 2006.

anyway, yesterday i went to a dinner fundraiser thing, and i had forgotten how much fun the people there were, so that was fun. except for the part where this conversation cropped up:

me: could i have like half that amount of food?
her: but you have to eat for you and the baby.
me: um... what baby?
*awkward apologies and laughter and stuff*
her: (later) you really don't look pregnant at all, i swear. i just thought cause you got married...
*more awkwardness*

i'm still not sure if that was supposed to mean that i, like most of the people i know that have gotten married recently, should have gotten knocked up the second the ceremony was over. because, you know, my main purpose on this planet, besides cleaning, is obviously bearing and caring for children. or if it meant she thought i had a shotgun wedding, which is ridiculous if you know anything about islam. or if she meant something else entirely, that i just do not get. i'm betting on the first, though, based on what i know of arabs.

*Last Night - The Strokes

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

it's coming to an end, yeah

at ten tonight (actually, it will probably be closer to nine:forty-five) i will be finished with the last lecture of my master's degree. does anyone else find that as crazy as i do? remember when i came on here and announced that i had gotten accepted into the program? remember when i first started it? yeah, it feels like yesterday to me, too. and now the whole thing is over, leaving me with a couple of cool tricks up my sleeve, a few new school friends, and another empty, grey, uncertain future staring me in the face.

i still haven't heard back from the phd program, and there are so many things riding on that decision. i need to know what i am doing next semester so i can plan accordingly. stupid mason. you may have noticed the underlying panic that's started to bubble under the surface whenever i mention school these days.

i mean, i still have the take-home exam to do this week, but after that i'm pretty much done.

i usually do an amazon shopping spree at the end of every semester, but i'm considering skipping it this year because i still have some books i haven't read from the border's going out of business sale. we're also planning a trip down to disney world (and of course harry potter world. EXCITING.) for the christmas break, and i think that may be a better use of my money. unless, of course, there are some books that you think i should get immediately. has anyone read the fourth eragon book, yet? how was it? was it worth me getting my hands on the third and reading that (as awful as everyone said it was)?

anyway, this post was mainly just to commemorate the last day of master's lectures. so yay for that.

*Sowing Season - Brand New

Monday, December 5, 2011

you're so good and you're so bad

you know what one of my favorite parts of the christmas season is? (aside from all of the christmas lights and the same three christmas songs repeated nonstop on the radio by a hundred and fifty different singers, that is.) the sudden influx of lifetime and hallmark movies. i mean, lifetime movies on a normal day are pretty great, but nothing comes close to being as truly, horrendously awesome and cliched and a christmas movie. and the minute december starts, we are bombarded with them.

one of the funnest things to do with these kind of movies, along with mocking the dialogue and counting the number of cliches they fall into, is trying to guess the famous actor/actress that the stars of the movie look like. because, if you watch enough of these, you'll notice that they all look like someone. for a lot of them, i'm guessing it's the only reason they are hired, because they sure weren't have been chosen for their nonexistent acting skills. and then there are the actors that are really not bad, but mixed in with the bad plot and dialogue, they don't stand a chance. i like to imagine why they stooped to doing the movie.

anyway, the other day i was watching my first one of these movies of the season, and the main female character was a dead ringer for kiera knightley. not just in looks, but also mannerisms. she had the same facial expressions and way that she moved. it was kind of creepy after a while because all i could think of was her spending her whole life trying to be kiera knightley. remember that show they once had when they would give people plastic surgery to look like their favorite star? yeah, she would be one of those people who went too far. but the movie was great: predictable with accents suddenly appearing and disappearing, which is always fun. and i generally liked the actors. i'm looking forward to this month.

so thank you lifetime, for your wonderfully bad movies that never fail to put a smile on my face. this year especially, i think i need all the cheesiness you never fail to offer.

*Kiss and Tell - You Me At Six

Saturday, December 3, 2011

i don't feel the way i've ever felt, i know

my headaches have been acting up again lately, and refusing to respond to any medicine, even the ones that used to work. think really, really bad headaches that force me to bed at eleven because it's dark and semi-quiet in the bedroom, but don't let me sleep because it's too painful to close my eyes. (i never understood this. shouldn't closing my eyes be the less painful of the two? i mean, isn't closed its default position and open when they actually have to work?) think headaches that make you want to throw up from how bad they are, only you don't because the last time you threw up was something like seven years ago and you don't want to break the streak.

in short, it's miserable.

my contacts used to give me headaches, so i stopped wearing them. the headaches are still here. i think it might be because of this cough that won't go away because my head almost explodes at every cough, but i can't seem to medicate the cough away either.

but that's not really what i wanted to say. in the spirit of confessions, here's another one. there's a little part of me (don't worry, this is not the part that really has any control of what i do. yet.) that doesn't want the headaches to go away. this part rejoices at every failed attempt to medicate them. it revels in the memory of the way the prescription medicine my doctor gave me closed up my throat so i could barely breathe. it's throwing a party in its little apartment in my brain, celebrating and exacerbating the headaches.

remember how i mentioned i was going through an identity crisis? i still haven't gone into much detail about it, but suffice it to say that it's pretty extensive, stretching into most aspects of my life. you know what part of me hasn't changed? what part i'm still 100% sure is me? my headaches. i was, am, and probably will always be the girl with the headaches. not as cool as a dragon tattoo, but it's me. it's what i know, and with so many other things uncertain, with so many other foundations shaken, well, part of me wants to hold on to the only stable thing about me right now.

i do realize that that sounds messed up.

*Pain - Jimmy Eat World