Friday, December 24, 2010

must be santa, santa claus

being the christmas season, you cannot turn on your tv anymore without every commercial playing some twist on a christmas carol that gets stuck in your head for days, raving about all the great sales they have for last minute shoppers, or claiming that they have what santa does not.

(side note: on monday, there was this kid (read:twenty something year old) on the bus who thought christmas was the twenty sixth. his friend corrected him, in the midst of mocking his stupidity, and let him know that christmas is really the twenty fourth. i'm not christian and haven't celebrated christmas for fifteen years, but even i know what day it's on. when i was telling this to my sister, though, she said, "haha it's the thirtieth, right? i mean, thirty first?")

anyway, back to the commercials. santa is supposed to be some magical immortal being that has a factory full of elves at the north pole, flying reindeer, and the ability to deliver presents to every child in the world the night before christmas. doesn't make a whole lot of sense and goes against all logic, but this story is diligently pounded into the head of every child from before they even realize it. 

(other side note: who's idea was it to name the face of christmas an anagram for satan? i mean, really. they're so similar it's more of a typo than an anagram.)

if you are going to spend so much time and energy talking up the magical powers of santa, then why would every commercial be designed to put him down? elves want to go to build-a-bear workshop because, you know that super cool factory they have in the north that can build super amazing toys for everyone? yeah, it doesn't have the stuff that build-a-bear has. and i mean, sure, santa has been doing his job for generations, but his magic is apparently dwindling because there's no way he can get enough presents ready without stopping by best buy on the way. it seems like every commercial just further proves the incompetency of a man that children are led to believe is infallible. 

did any of you watch the simpsons christmas special where bart went to go kill santa and he found him in a room with peeling wallpaper and no heat complaining that the recession had hit him hard? bart feels bad for the guy, gets in a grateful mood, and is happy with whatever the old man gives him. the minute bart leaves, santa pushes a button and the poor look is gone, leaving him to gloat over how stupid bart was for falling for that. sometimes it feels like these commercials are santa's way of showing everyone the peeling wallpaper to get them in a grateful mood. 

and speaking of santa, does no one else find the idea of a fat, old man watching every child in the world when they're sleeping and when they're awake slightly creepy? maybe it's just the computer forensics talking, but ew. and some random guy sneaking into your house at night through the chimney? breaking and entering is wrong. also, i am not a parent struggling to buy christmas presents and stocking stuffers for all my children, but after waiting in long lines, fighting with people who seem to have lost the christmas spirit, and basically spending a whole bunch of money on everything my kid wanted, i would want some recognition. no, child, those presents you are gushing over? not a gift from some jolly fat guy you've never met. they're from me. 

this post kind of makes me sound grinchy, but i'm actually not. usually, i'm a fan of the whole christmas season. to everyone who celebrates it, merry christmas. and happy whatever else you may be celebrating at this time of year as well. 

*Must Be Santa - My Kindergarten Class

2 comments:

  1. anonymous hippopotamusDecember 24, 2010 at 12:38 PM

    Way to ruin the Christmas spirit Scrooge! Now all I can think of is a fat loser pedophile who lies, pretends to be poor and takes credit for their parents hard work. Grreat! just great!! :P

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  2. lool sorry... except not really. but seriously, computer forensics has just made me so paranoid. like we were watching afv and they had a video of a little girl running through the sprinklers naked and all i could think of was nonono child pornography. everything now is like um no save the children.

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