it's the best day ever!

guess who is no longer purposelessly wandering around mason in academic limbo? given that i'm a narcissistic misanthrope who rarely talks about anyone but myself, the "who" is obviously me. that's right, people. after months and months and months of having to listen to me complain about discouraging faculty members who did not want to be the head of my phd committee and how i was just wandering around this degree without really getting anywhere, i can finally say that i have made some headway. i met with a brand new professor (tenure track! which, in case you haven't been suffering through academic bureaucracy for the past year or so means that they can sit on/head a doctoral committee) and he actually liked the idea that so many others shot down. i gave him the original version (the one before i started tailoring it to specific professors' interests to try and lure them into my committee) and he said that we need to narrow it down a bit, but he said that we could absolutely write a technical dissertation worthy of phd-ness without programming. he also said that it was a good idea and he was excited about it. have i ever mentioned how much i love people that work in computer forensics? because i do. i really, really do. they are by far the nicest people i have ever met. (he is the first full-time tenure track professor for the computer forensics program, and i am happy to report that academia does not corrupt the awesomeness that is a computer forensics individual.)

 so anyway, i am riding on that high and do not plan to come off of it any time soon. i mean, it's finally coming together! i am actually going to have a phd committee and write a dissertation that i actually care about! i am going to be a doctor! i will get to wear the really fancy graduation robes! people will think that i am smarter than them! and good things come in three (or is it only bad things?)! so i will also edit my novel into amazingness (it's still got quite a way to go) and be a published author! and people will think that i am even smarter! and i will lose weight!

the excessive use of exclamation marks should let you know just how excited i am.

(i'm sure that as soon as the high wears off a little, i will be mortified about the amount of gushing excitement i had in the meeting this afternoon. it was kind of disgusting, to be honest. but i can't fully grasp the awfulness of it yet, because i am just too happy.)

*Best Day Ever - Spongebob Squarepants

it's gonna be a good day, just wait and see

earlier today, i walked into mason with a purpose. i was convinced that, having not heard from them a week into the semester, i was rejected, and they hadn't bothered to send me anything telling me so. i was ready to tell them that i thought they were unprofessional, disrespectful, and cheap. i go to the office and get some of this out when the dude at the desk asks me for my name and student id. i give them to him, he stares at his computer for a minute, and then he says he'll go print out my letter. i assume he means my rejection letter, so i sit down and wait. he comes back after a few minutes, hands me an envelope, and says, "i'm really sorry..." before i can answer he continues with, "but you're going to have to come back to school for a while longer. pleasant surprise, right?"

i was so convinced that i was rejected, so ready to accept it, that i didn't understand what he was saying for a couple of seconds. and then it hit me: i got accepted into the phd program. i managed to completely fool an entire committee of people into thinking that i knew enough about something to try and get a phd. how in the world did that happen? now let's just hope that i can continue to fool them into giving me the degree.

so anyway, i was at my parents house today while my husband was at class. when my mom dropped me off back home (only having one car brings back serious memories of pre-license days), my husband was already here. i went to get junior from my bedroom and waiting for me on the bed was a card and present (a new purse since i've been dragging my heels getting one but constantly saying that i need a new one). and then we ate a giant snickers bar (or like, a piece of it) that deserves a picture. if only i felt like uploading it.

anyway, long story short: i got into the program, got a new bag, and ate snickers. overall, a pretty awesome day.

*Good Day - Jewel

no hope, no love, no glory

you always like the bad guys... because they always lose.

that's what my cousin's daughter told me last night as we were watching a turkish drama. i had been on the "bad guy's" side since last year, when the show came out. in my opinion, the "heroine" was way more of a bad guy than he was. anyways, she said this comment very offhandedly and half-jokingly. but it got me thinking about how true it is. i usually do find myself cheering for the bad guys. the ones that are completely hopeless. that have a troubled past and no future. the ones that, even when they win, always lose. the ones that suffer from an eternally unrequited love. the ones that people can shoot with a smile on their faces. the ones that die with no one to grieve their deaths. the ones that dont give up. that dont pity themselves. that can walk with their heads held high to their immnent doom. the ones that survive the unsurvivable. they are just so much cooler.

psycho-babble time. i think they hold such an appeal to me for two reasons, reason number one, their complete independence and refusal to give up. they keep going long after it's clear they'll have to surrender. i've never been a fan of self-pity, and that is something that they (at least the ones i like) have very little of, and even if they do pity themselves they don't just sit around and mope. they don't give in to it. they are so much less helpless than the good guys. reason number two, basically the second part of her comment. they always lose. they have no future, and for someone who has an aversion to plans, who hates to think about the future, who can't commit, and who can't make a decision to save her life, the thought of having no future for some reason seems very attractive.

*Happy Ending - Mika

happy endings gone forever more

i have this thing for well-written, unhappy endings. death. separation. unrequited love. whatever it might be. yes, i love a happy ending as much as the next person, but tragedy appeals to me just as much... sometimes more. when i watch a movie, even when i'm counting on the predictable happy ending when the hero and heroine live happily ever after, a small part of me is hoping for the complete opposite. it's hoping that the hero really does die in the war. that the heroine does leave him with a shattered heart. i dont know why. it might be because it's more realistic in a way, or maybe i'm just a complete cynic with a heart of stone. whatever the reason, if jack and rose both lived and grew old together, if rhett didnt leave scarlett (not taking the sequel into consideration), if sirius black didnt die... the stories just wouldnt be as good as they are when they pull at your heart strings and leave you with a lump in your throat and tears in your eyes (yes, few endings bring me to tears, but you get the idea).

speaking of endings, i cant believe michael jackson died. despite everything people said about him - of which i believed nothing - no one can deny that he was super talented. he had a huge effect on countless peoples' lives as well as the music industry. i dunno but he always seemed immortal in a way to me. it felt like he had been around forever and would be around forever. his death was a wake up call. a friend of mine had tickets for his comeback tour, a concert that was said to be unmissable and is now to never happen.

you know what's kinda scary?? a lot of the actors i grew up watching, singers i grew up listening to are dying. scientific ideas and theories about the universe that we learned in school are now considered wrong and outdated. i'm getting old, people, and i'm not sure i like it.

*Happy Ending - Mika