brown paper packages tied up with string, these are a few of my favorite things

this morning, i made peanut butter cookies. i have a really bad history with homemade peanut butter cookies. they either turn out way to salty (we had this cookie recipe book that apparently thought salt was the best flavor for every cookie under the sun) or like watery and gross (that was when my sister made them) or something else goes wrong. but today's cookies were fantastic. the fact that there are only two left from the two and a half dozen that came out of the oven this morning can attest to that. the recipe is officially going into my favorites. oh, and i also think that my oven has decided to like me (finally), so there's that. overall a successful day for baking.

completely switching gears here, but for the last five or so years of my life, i have been known to ask hopefully every time anyone checks the mail if there is anything for me. there rarely ever is, and when i do get mail it's usually a credit card offer. sad, i know. but lately, the mail has been quite exciting for me. for the past week, i have opened the mail box to find packages from my grandma. packages! for me! is there anything more exciting? (well, except for the fact that she seem to alternate between spelling my name with and without the "h" at the end when i am definitely an h kinda person, but i forgive her because i'm understanding like that.) they have mostly been stuff about travel and attractions (i think she's trying to tell me something) and my list of places i must see before i die has grown ridiculously. i also got a prize for a raffle i won (free little gym membership for my nephew) and coupons for free ice cream and it's just all over wonderful.

speaking of raffles and winning, i've noticed that i've become luckier since my marriage. i can count the number of contests and raffles i won before i got married on one hand and still use that hand pretty well. but whenever i mention the fact that i'm married now, i win. case in point: i filled out a survey when in first got married (it was the first time i put my status as married on a form. huge moment.) and won one of the three gift cards to the gap they were giving out. case in point: i filled out a raffle ticket at a fall festival recently and had to put my "spouse's name" and ended up winning one hundred and thirty five dollars worth of gym classes for my nephew. i'm trying to think of a third case in point to make myself sound more convincing, but i really don't  get the opportunity to enter many raffles.

anyway, good cookies, packages, and raffle luck. my day (read: week) went well.

*My Favorite Things - The Sound of Music Soundtrack

if a picture's worth a thousand words...

okay so i said i was going to post pictures of the wedding stuff, but thing is i really don't have many. see, i took a few pictures before the wedding (before everything was done and ready), and the pictures of pre-wedding once everything was done, wedding, and post-wedding were all taken by different people and i still haven't gotten them yet. but here are a couple of the pictures that i have.

the minute we got to the suite, my brothers ran over to the bed and did this, claiming it was the softest thing they had ever felt in their entire life. my nephew likes to copy the big kids. anyway, i thought it was cute. they actually stayed this way for a while. my brothers are in blue and green and my nephew is in stripes if you couldn't figure it out. 

these are the plates of finger foods that were placed on each table. or, this is them while they were being made. a few more things were added to them and then they were wrapped up and brought up to the hall. my sister made them (as in, organized the food and chocolate... she didn't actually make the food). 

this is my dad holding my bouquet. he had just brought it down from the hall where the flower people were setting up the rest of the stuff, so it was the first time i was seeing it in real life. 

this was the cake topper from the wedding cake (duh). the bride looks nothing like me and the groom looks nothing like my husband, but the cake was good so it's okay. my sister had taken a picture of the cake when she was taking the pictures that were never taken, but i think my cousin has a picture. as soon as i get one i'll post it because it was pretty. (to be honest, i think i may have already forgotten what it looked like, but i remember choosing a pretty one.)

this is a picture of the hall from a little in front of the small stage i started out on. i walked down that aisle and we ended up on the big stage at the end with the couch. 

this is a close-up of the stage thing. can i just say that it was really hard getting to and from the couch because that table with the flowers on it and the columns of flowers made a really narrow section that i had to squeeze through and my dress was really puffy. at the end of the wedding, everyone took turns taking pictures on the couch under the crown.

here's a view of the tables before they were actually finished. there were purple covering things for the chairs and the food and tea and coffee and stuff were added. there were also purple tablecloth thingies over the white. like see-through-ish ones. i forgot the name of the material. 

okay, so not a wedding picture, but this is me with our guide for the harry potter tour. he was super awesome. he's holding a dvd player that he used to show us movie clips to prove that what we were seeing were the actual places from the movies. according to him, the harry potter tour is a very popular thing for couples to do on their honeymoon. he showed us pictures of this couple who went when they were setting up for the epilogue scenes of the movie and they were touching the actual set pieces and i was jealous.

this is us at "platform nine and three quarters." because they are currently renovating king's cross station, this was moved from inside the station to outside. that's why the bricks are reflective. they're really just a plastic picture of a brick wall. he (our tour guide) kept apologizing about that and saying that it was so much cooler inside and that we should come back again in four years when the renovations are done and it's moved back to its original place. he also stopped these other people who wanted to take a picture so that we could take pictures first. 

so those are a few pictures. i won't get my actual wedding photos (like the professionally taken ones) until my family gets back here early september since they're bringing it with them, and i kinda wanna see how those turned out. i also want my cousin and friend to send me the pictures from their cameras because i want them.

*Dance, Dance Christa Paffgen - Anberlin

stretching out like rubber bands to kiss the cheeks and shake the hands

so i just got back from london and have decided that i am kind of sick of trying to write blogs that recap the summer. mainly because it seems like i never have time anymore and by the time i get to writing the post, so much has happened in between that it ends up sounding wooden and laundry list like. but because part of me feels like all of this should at least be mentioned somewhere, this post will be a quick recap of everything from the wedding to this point. starting tomorrow (because hopefully i'll get back to blogging daily again) i will not be doing any more summer recaps.

so anyway, after the wedding we spent to more nights in jeddah (my side of the country) before going over to dammam (his side of the country). a lot of his family was not able to come to the real wedding so they put together a dinner in my honor/second wedding. i had a hair dresser make up lady come to the hotel room to do my stuff for me, and it was a disaster. because it was not really a wedding wedding, i told her to do something simple with my hair. she said she had the perfect simple hairdo for my face shape so i said okay and let her do her thing. she had half of my hair hanging down in my face while she worked with the other half so i couldn't see what she was doing until the very end when she pulled the hair out of my face to design the bang part. it took all of my will not to start crying and the only thing that stopped me was that she had already done the makeup. she had put my hair up in a tower on the top of my head. a roll of hair, a braid, a roll of hair, a braid, and then a final poof of hair. it was really tall. i looked like a character from a dr. seuss book. i wish i took a picture of it but i was too busy freaking out to think of it. we were supposed to leave the house at eight:thirty and she finished eight:fifteen so i just let her go and then started freaking out when my husband came in. we ended up taking apart the tower and by the end i looked okay, but it was awful. and i was nervous about meeting his whole family which made it worse. but the dinner was fun. we talked and danced and ate and my dress turned black from the street and it was a struggle getting in and out of cars. but it was fun.

his side of the country was ridiculously hot, though. even in the middle of the night it was sweltering which didn't make sense because the sun was gone so it should cool down. it didn't. also, it was awkward doing the whole shaking hand-kissing cheek thing with his family. on my side of the country we do right-left-left or however many lefts you want. his side does all right. i didn't realize this until ten or so awkward times when our heads would get confused and almost hit into each other. i picked it up though at the end.

after spending a week in his side of the country, we went back to mine for two days, and then we came back to america. there were a couple of days spent in exhaustion and then we were on a plane again to london. and oh my god i loved london. it was beautiful and the people were awesome and there was so much to see and do and i need to go back. as soon as possible. it was kind of expensive, especially since the dollar is worthless compared to the pound, but it was still awesome. when we got there, though, we found ourselves cut off from all forms of communication. this meant that i couldn't meet up with a friend, i couldn't contact my family, i couldn't check my email, or basically do anything. though this just gave us less things to distract us from the city. we did the main attraction tour (big ben, westminster abbey, buckingham palace, etc.), we saw stonehenge, went on the london eye, a river cruise, a harry potter tour (of course) and had a picnic in hyde park. we also went to a few museums, and oh my god are their museums cool. the science museum was mini compared to most smithsonian museums over here, but it was the coolest thing since the printing press. the museum of natural history was really cool, too, but i think all natural history museums are cool on principle. we also went to disneyland in paris for a day which was awesome. there is still so much i want to see and do there though, and i am planning my next trip from now.

so that's pretty much what i've been doing lately instead of blogging. i've been busy and things have been hectic. things should calm down a bit now, though. we just need to go shopping for a zillion things for the apartment and i need to get a temporary number since my phone is off until my parents get back and i need to get ready for school and apply to the phd program, but besides all of that, my days should go back to being pretty much pointless. yay.

*Rain Delays - Crash Parallel 

where was it that we last left off?

let me start off by saying that it is hot. really really hot. so hot that when the thermostat thingie last night said that the temperature in the apartment went down to 90 degrees, we were really excited. right now i'm sitting in the bedroom right next to the window with the fan going so it is not so bad, but the minute you step out of this room you might as well just step right into the oven. you probably wouldn't notice the difference. (our air conditioner is broken.)

anyway, back to the wedding. we left off right before we got to the hall, right? so we get to the right floor and the people outside the entrance to the hall are all really surprised to see us. apparently they didn't expect us so soon, though we were technically supposed to go up at ten and it was now eleven:thirty. so we wait outside of the hall on a couch for about ten minutes. or, my husband waited on the couch and i stood next to it because there was no way i was going to risk messing up my dress after the commotion it was to make it look like it wasn't shoved into a suitcase and carried across the world.

we were originally supposed to walk in together, but the hotel people thought it would be nicer for him to walk in first from one door and then for me to walk in from another. so we did. we met up on this small platform type thingie in the back of the hall and then proceeded the step-feet together-pause-step walk down the aisle with the photographer three steps ahead of us video taping and people sitting around us and my younger sister popping up and making me laugh everywhere i turned around. 

when we got to the end of the aisle, we climbed up a few steps to the stage, exchanged rings (which was actually a bit harder than it would seem because someone tried to put it on the wrong finger. hint: the someone was not wearing a wedding dress). after that, we went to cut the cake. we cut through each of the layers and the hotel person cut us a piece to eat or whatever. the first bite we fed each other ended up half down my dress (i mentioned it was big, right?). the second bite i think was when the two forks were held together and we each took a bite. the lady had cut too big of a piece for my fork and half of it ended up falling out of my mouth. the photographer wanted a picture of the cake eating without anything falling on my side, so we had another bite and i think that one ended up okay. 

we then went and sat down on the love seat on stage for us and shared a drink of some really really good strawberry juice that i really wanted to finish because it was so good but that was taken away after a sip. then after a minute of sitting we stood back up for our first dance or whatever (song: first day of my life by bright eyes). after that we sat back down and our moms came up to the stage to hug and tear up and say typical wedding day things like congrats and you look so pretty. then i was presented with a jewelry set from him which was really really pretty but i think i forgot to take a picture of it. 

after that my dad, uncles, and brothers came in and congratulated me and my aunts came up for a family picture (two days after the wedding my cousin told me that for these family pictures we had pretty much pushed the groom out of the way and put people in front of him. yeah, oops). after the pictures were taken it was a flood of family members coming up onto the stage, a little bit of dancing, and then my uncles and everyone left. a bit after that my husband left. then my friends came up onto the stage who i haven't seen since high school graduation. it was really awesome seeing them though they gave me a bit of an inferiority complex because they got so tall and skinny and pretty and one's a college professor and the other one's working at a bank and i look the exact same as i did five years ago and am hiding from the real world and jobs in school. but despite all the differences they were the same and it was awesome. 

each of these steps were done to a different song or song clip, most of which were chosen by me but a couple were suggested by the dj lady and cousins and then approved by me. 

then i took a bunch of pictures with everyone and they opened the buffet. traditionally, the bride will wait on the stage and someone will bring her a plate and she'll just sit there while everyone eats and people will go up and talk to her if they want to. i have never really seen the point of that and instead went into the buffet with my cousin's daughters. and oh my god the reactions i got. i honestly did not think it was going to be a big deal, but apparently it is just not the way things work. my cousin kept telling me that i was supposed to be special and have stuff brought to me and my aunt was saying that i shouldn't be there and i kept trying to explain that i wanted to sit with my family and friends and not eat alone on a stage with a bunch of flowers to talk to. (two days later, my cousin was still talking about it.) i ended up at a table with my mom and sisters and it was fun. after that, my friend came up to us to tell us some bad news. my sister's camera had died early in the wedding and instead of going up to the room to take mine, she had borrowed my friend's camera. apparently though, i dunno how, none of the pictures she had taken were actually taken. maybe she was pressing the wrong button? no one knows, but there were no pictures. so i retook a bunch of pictures with people with my cousin's camera and then my friends, sisters, and a couple of cousins went back to the stage to dance. 

after a couple of hours, it was just four cousins and my sisters half dancing and half just standing on stage talking. they left and at two:thirty we started getting ready to go, collecting our stuff and whatnot. i think i got back to the hotel room at around three and then i proceeded to take out a million and seven bobby pins from my hair and peel off the dress which now had cake and flower petals in it and try to brush out the poof of spray and hair that was on my head and wipe of layers and layers of makeup. all while i was suddenly hit with a wave of pent up exhaustion and was trying to convince myself that this all really did have to be done before i could sleep.

the whole thing was a lot of fun, though. 

*Lying is the Most Funb a Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off - Panic! at the Disco

everything is going wrong, but we're so happy

before i start in on the pre-wedding wedding day preparations, i think it should be mentioned that today i watched a harry potter movie for the first time for the last time. i think that knowledge was sadder than any part of the film (which, though i felt was really good was nowhere near as sad as i was expecting).

so anyway, let's go back in time to july sixth, two thousand eleven, something a.m. in the morning. after a night spent mostly crying (because, really, no matter what the occasion, change and i have never been able to meet with a smile. there are always tears shed between the two of us.) i wake up with eyes so puffy i could barely open them. seriously. it was bad. i tried ice and tea bags and cold water and everything else i ever heard took away swelling of eyes, but nothing seemed to be working. in the words of my younger, i kinda looked like our elementary school drama teacher on a bad day. now, you don't know my drama teacher, but she had those eyes that seem to bug out of your head. you know the kind?

after resolving to let time deal with the puffy eyes, i proceeded to walk around my house like a ghost who has forgotten where it was haunting and why exactly it didn't just leave earth behind. i then realized that i had a nail problem. see, the original hair and makeup person included a manicure. we changed from them, though, and the new ones didn't. there was no time to go to another place that morning, and all of my nail polish was in my room here in america. my sister had pink mood changing, black, and clear. everyone said no to the black immediately, the pink was too bright to work, and so i tried the clear. only, it didn't show. no matter how many layers i piled on. i then tried to paint my nails with lipstick using a makeup brush and putting a layer of clear nail polish on top. this actually looked really nice... until it dried completely. then my sister (with the help of google) found that mixing eye shadow and clear nail polish makes colored nail polish. so i chose a nice purple color out of my older sister's new eye shadow set thing, and proceeded to destroy it. i crushed it into powder and poured it into the nail polish and lo and behold i had a really nice color. day saved.

after lunch we went to the hotel suite that i would be getting ready in. it was me, my two sisters, my two brothers, my two nephews, and my two brothers. for hours. it was loud and i was nervous and getting a headache which made me irritable. not fun. my dad had forgotten his cell phone at home, so everyone was trying to call us to get stuff ready and they couldn't reach us because they were only trying his phone. my sisters were making the plates of food that would be sitting on each table and my parents were in the other room starting to steam iron my dress. for about ten minutes. and the electricity for our room was turned off. apparently, steam irons are not allowed. so we had to normal iron the dress and i will post pictures of it later but oh my god it was hard.

while all of this was going on, i was waiting for my hair and makeup people to come. they were supposed to come at four. you know what time they ended up coming? six:forty. yeah, i was pretty panicked. so they come and decide that they don't want to start until seven:fifteen because apparently the styles i chose wouldn't take them more than half an hour tops. i sat and talked with them which was pretty fun. the makeup lady had been with her fiancee for eight years and decided that she hated him but couldn't think of a way to break it off after that long so was trying to make him miserable so he'd break it off. they finally started on my makeup (during which they ate the snacks that the hotel gave us and drank the water). the makeup took longer than expected, surprise surprise, and before the hair lady even started the photographer came to take the pictures.

of course, she was told to wait, and wait she did. for about an hour. because the hair took longer than she expected it would too. and with the constant cloud of spray she kept around my head and contacts that were dying to dry out, my eyes started to water. so the makeup lady kept frantically trying to keep me from looking like a raccoon with mascara running down my cheeks. the hair lady finally finished, and they both did an amazing job despite the fact that they have no idea how to manage their time.

i got into my dress which was so puffy i could barely fit through doorways, and found out that i had apparently lost weight and it was noticeably big on me. nothing to do about it then, though.

it was finally time for the pictures to be taken so i moved into the other room where the photographer had set up. i took a million pictures by myself in all kind of awkward and weird poses that she put me into - like pretending to run away or squatting facing the wall but twisting my torso so my front was facing the camera and tilting my head sideways and holding my arms in some weird position over my head (i swear they expect you to be freakin acrobats to be pictured by them) and then my parents and husband came up to take pictures with me. we took a million more pictures and then the photographer decided we were done and it was finally time to go down to the guests. it was about eleven:thirty by this time.

after a morning where it seemed like whatever could go wrong did, i was surprisingly calm at this point. the nerves that had been attacking me all day seemed to suddenly disappear. i think it was more the thought that, no matter how much i embarrassed myself it would all be done soon than the fact that i really wasn't nervous. remember how i mentioned that i don't like being the center of attention? yeah, that's because i tend to make an idiot out of myself every time i am. anyway, we went out to the elevator and rode up to the fifth floor (the suite was on the third) to where our guests were waiting.

*Let's Dance to Joy Division - The Wombats

why should i go out? why should i even move? just another lazy day afternoon

so my blog views have reached a record low, i've lost a few followers, and i have a backlog of posts i need to read that is going to take me at least a couple of hours, but i'm back! i think. maybe. i hope. we just arrived back in america and this is the first chance i've had to get online since my last post. anyway, i get on facebook to let my sister know we got here and am hit with a flood of harry potter stuff. is it bad that i completely forgot about the movie up until this very moment? and i don't even know if i have the energy to go out and watch it before we leave for london because i'm just so exhausted from these past few weeks. that is so unlike me.

after writing that start of the post at around six yesterday, i went into the bedroom for a minute, laid down on the bed, and suddenly there's a very annoying alarm going off telling me that it is three:thirty in the morning. (the alarm was supposed to only be for yesterday to wake us up to check our bags, apparently it was never unset.) i then stayed in bed for a million hours, just took what i needed for my shower out if the suitcases instead of unpacking, put off all the stuff i needed to do today till tomorrow, and have otherwise just had a lazy day. after weeks of nonstop activity you have no idea how amazing today is to me.

anyway, i really will be starting my wedding posts soon, but before that, let me just give a brief overview of what a saudi (on our side of the country at least) wedding is like. you know, for those who grew up with the more western ones. it'll save me some words in the other posts. so the wedding starts off without the bride and groom - she'll be off getting makeup and hair and pictures done. the guests all start arriving where they will be greeted by the bride's family (mom, sisters, aunts, etc... basically whoever is free at the moment to stand at the door and greet guests). when the guests enter the hall they sit at one of several tables equipped with chocolates, finger foods, tea, and coffee. there is also a dance floor and music playing for those who want to dance, and waiters walk around occasionally bringing stuff like juice and whatever. after hours of this, the bride and groom come down for what is called the zaffah. this is basically a set of several steps depending on what the hall is like which includes things like throwing flower petals, walking down the aisle, cutting the cake, drinking juice, dancing, exchanging rings, and whatever else you want to do. the bride and groom will then reach a stage thing, sit down, people will come up to say hi to them and stuff, pictures are taken, and then the buffet is opened, the guests go eat, and the wedding is basically over. a lot of the time the groom will go away after the zaffah and the bride will stay and hang out with her friends and family who will have been covered up while the groom was there. i always hated the idea of saudi weddings because they seem to be more for the guests than the bride and groom, but i actually had fun at mine. i was slightly surprised because of my general distaste for being the center of attention. more of that later, though.

i am now going to go order a pizza and try to work up the energy to walk across the street and watch harry potter.

*Lazy Day - Plain White T's

so i've officially been married for a week now, and i haven't been on a computer since the day before the wedding. since i am exhausted, this is not going to be a real post. i know, i know, so disappointing. anyway, i just wanted to post something because i feel like being online and not blogging is blasphemous. i will be writing a series of posts dedicated to the wedding in the upcoming days because there's a lot to write about and pictures to post and i just don't think that - with my tendency to use a hundred words to write what could be said in ten - i could fit it all into a reasonable sized single post. this past week has just been a whirlwind of traveling and visiting people and parties and i'll put all of that in a post, too. hopefully i'll have time to finish all the posts before i leave saudi arabia (saturday morning) or at least before we go to london (tuesday). even if i write them all and then have them  posted automatically later.

anyway, for tonight i'll just leave you all with a piece of advice: get married; you get lots of pretty presents.

close your eyes, clear your heart, cut the cord

i was originally going to have this post be published later and just pretend that i wrote it tomorrow. but then i thought that we know each other well enough that lies and tricks aren't necessary, right? right. tomorrow i'm thinking i'll be much too busy to type up a post and well, what's a couple of hours anyway?

being an avid lover of words, it always surprises me when words fail me. to be completely honest, though, i could write pages and pages trying to describe the thoughts running through my mind right now and i still wouldn't even come close to making you understand. i would write in circles and jump through loopholes, write myself into corners and then fly off on random tangents. i would contradict myself with every sentence and make barely enough sense to buy a gumball.

so you know what? i'm not even going to try.

why'd i bother writing a post at all if i'm not going to write anything of meaning in it, you wonder. well, i'm getting married. me. and i felt like this should be documented somewhere. so here i am. documenting this. the next time i write in this thing, if everything goes according to plan, i will be officially married. i still think it's crazy and probably one of the hardest things i've ever done.

wave goodbye, wish me well, you've gotta let me go.

(i almost put that lyric as the title, but felt that the one i chose was more about me and this second one is more like to my family. you know, just in case you were wondering.)

*Human - The Killers

the car won't start

i'm pretty sure i've only mentioned a couple of stories on here, but i can't even count the number of times i've gotten to our car(s) and found it dead. yesterday was the latest instance in what i'm sure will continue to be a very long list of non-starting cars. we had just finished up with the dj person and gotten into the car when my dad tried to start it and it just sat there sputtering. after a few more hopeful tries, we accepted the fact that it was dead. two random oldish men came to help us, but i'm not going to get into that too much.

while they were looking under the hood, a younger guy came out of the apartment building we were parked in front of and the older dude asked him if he had jumper cables. the guy said no before the question was even fully asked and turned away. "he's such a jerk," my cousin said. "i hope his car doesn't start because he wouldn't help us." he coincidentally was parked right next to us. he got into his car without making eye contact and tried to start it. it wouldn't start. my cousin and i just about died from laughter because i mean, what are the odds? his car eventually did start, but it took a while, and you could bet he was wishing that he helped us. 

he drove off and the old guy drove my dad to the mechanic place nearby to get a new battery (i really don't know why they couldn't pick up some jumper cables). anyway, the guy gave us the wrong size battery (i just learned last night that car batteries come in sizes. yeah, i'm pretty stupid.) but my dad and the old guy didn't realize it. the old guy put in the battery upside down and the car was going spastic. it wouldn't start but the windshield wipers were going crazy though they were off. creepy stuff. they eventually got the battery in right, but since it was too small our car could barely drive the way to the mechanic. we got there and got the right size battery, but we think that stuff under the hood got messed up cause it was driving like the little engine that was starting to think maybe it can't. and the dashboard lights wouldn't work. 

we got home, though. finished all wedding plans and payments. and there are three days left of my pre-marriage life. with that said, i'm going to go eat some oreos. 

*Honey, I'm Home - Shania Twain

always got something to do, someone to be seeing, somewhere to be dancing, i'm a weak human being

so i pretty much suck at this whole taking you guys with me on the final leap to this marriage. in my defense, my days are crammed full of errands and family visits and boys' homework and swimming and a million other things. there are times i don't get home or get a chance to just sit in my room and relax until after one. by then, i'm way too tired to worry about coherency in a blog post so i read a bit and fall asleep. at the moment, i am ditching my aunt's retirement party to sit at home in my pajamas and catch up on my internet life. i feel kinda bad, but even as i walked in the door at ten i was ready to fall into bed. i don't think i could have made it through the whole party anyway.

to fill you all in on these last minute wedding plans, aside from meeting with the dj person saturday night (it annoys me how nothing can happen when the sun's out here) i'm pretty much done. photographer has been chosen and coordinated with, the flowers for my hair have been bought, dj person has been chosen and paid, and i can't remember what else i did but all the loose ends are falling into place. this wedding has been one of my greatest products of procrastination. it's on wednesday (eek!) and most of the details and plans were set over the course of the past couple of days. who said that the last minute can't be used for everything?

on a completely different note, the street in front of/next to my house is flooded with cars, and has been for the past week or so. see, in our culture when someone dies we hold what's called a 'aza which is basically three nights where everyone comes to give their condolences. a few days ago, one of our neighbors died. we had three nights of craziness on the street has hordes of people came to pay their respect. the three days finished the day before yesterday. yesterday, another three days started because the dead dude's wife died. i feel like there's a great story in this (a few, actually), but i don't have the time or energy to write any of them out or even flesh them out much in my head. i'll leave it up to you to write the romance, the mystery, the horror, and whatever other version you can think of.

*Procrastination - Amy Winehouse

see, i don't know what to say

today was so productive that i'm half expecting to wake up in a minute with a to-do list a mile long and should've-could'ves tangled into my hair. it really can't be a real day in my life. not only did i spend hours lazing around reading (i finished a book and a half. go me. i'm usually a slow summer reader.) and swimming, but i also helped my brothers with a big chunk of their summer homework and spent time with the family. i also got the flowers, my bouquet, stage-thingy (if you're not familiar with saudi weddings then this might sound ridiculous), tables, and finger foods for the guests dealt with. i chose the cake. i got my wedding hair and make-up settled. and by "i" i totally mean that my parents (and a couple of cousins for a couple of things) were doing most of the work and i was along for the ride. duh.

oh, and we got internet. excitement. (could someone explain how my sister who shares a wall with me and my parents who are right across the hall have perfect connection in their rooms and i have one measly faltering bar in mine? this happens every summer, and i just don't get it.)

but the real story of this post happened yesterday. my parents, uncle, three cousins, and i (yeah, we were like an army of totally unnecessary people) went to the hotel that my wedding is being held at to see the hall/ballroom thing. while we were there, the dude showing us around was like, "wanna see the suite?" and so we were like, "um, okay, sure. why not?" so he takes us to the fourth floor and starts knocking on the door and this saudi guy dressed in what amounts to underwear and an undershirt here opens it. there were a bunch of very confused looks exchanged when the hotel guy tells us that there were no empty rooms but we can look at his. um, awkward much? so my dad and uncle barge in like they own the place and after a couple of minutes i get dragged in to see it. all i remember was that the guy had a tray with his dinner on the bedroom floor and the tv turned on to some action movie. he was trying to be nice about it and saying stuff like the room is big and the hotel is nice, but inside he was probably wishing we'd get some consideration and leave him alone. let me just say, if a caravan of random strangers showed up at my hotel room and asked to look around, i would not be as nice as he was. doors would most likely just be slammed in faces.

oh, and i just wasted the past twenty minutes trying to find a song for this title. my summer playlist, though absolutely amazing, has nothing, and my mind refuses to look past the completely random twenty odd songs that i've been listening to on repeat.

*I Don't Know What to Say - The Magnetic Fields

i am in misery. the silence is slowly killing me.

so i've been in the desert for a few days now with no internet connection (i find it ridiculous that junior can't find a connection to steal when every other computer can) and no time to bum it off of the cousins. though my sister has found ample internet opportunities in the midst of her complaining about the lack of internet. it doesn't make sense. i feel so cut off from the world.

anyway, i am so dreadfully behind on wedding preparations that i'm not even going to get into them. i did horrify/deeply offend a make-up artist yesterday by saying that i wasn't going to do my eyebrows for the wedding which was fun. i just don't do them. it's not like i killed anyone. according to her, though, there's no way the make-up could possibly show without me doing them. considering the amount of stuff they cake on over here, i highly doubt that. oh, remind me to document my saudi wedding rant sometime in the next few days.

since it kinda looks like the whole internet situation isn't going to be fixed anytime soon, feel free to go back through my posts about saudi arabia from last year and the year before if i don't post much now. it's pretty much the same here minus spurts of panic about the wedding and pangs of annoyance. fun stuff.

also, i have been walking around all day singing maroon 5 because of my nephew that has been singing the same three lines of the song all. day. long. i also just spent the last hour reading up on all the blog posts i've missed since i left america.

anyway, i'm exhausted and going to sleep. hope your summers have all started off swimmingly (it never seems like summer starts till i reach the desert) and hopefully i'll have time and internet to keep you updated on the countdown to the wedding (which is july 6th in case i forgot to mention that).

*Misery - Maroon 5 (i dunno if this is the song's name or not, but i don't feel like looking it up or getting my ipod so let's just pretend.)

come tomorrow, tomorrow i'll be gone

so tonight is the last night i'll probably ever sleep in this bed. do you know how completely insane that is? i love this bed with all my heart. it's my place, you know? i study on my bed, sit for hours on the computer on it, read, eat, watch tv, play board games, paint, sew... you name it and it gets done here. and tonight's the last night of it being mine.

also, we were at 5 below this afternoon (sorta like a dollar store if you don't know it) and they had these books for one and two dollars, and, well, you know how i am with books. usually they just have things like world encyclopedias and trivia books about elvis and the beatles, but they had this whole collection of young adult novels and one had a quote by judy blume on the back. who could resist a book that judy blume claimed she couldn't put down? not me, that's for sure. so i bought it and just finished it. you know when you read a book that's good but you just should not have read it? like, you are not in the right emotional state to make friends with those characters and live through those experiences and have the story haunt your mind, and it may be a really great book but reading it was just a very big mistake? yeah. this was one of those times.

anyway, we're leaving for the desert tomorrow. (why does it feel like i blinked, and when i opened my eyes a year had passed?) i'm not gonna have internet tomorrow, but i should probably have when i get there. and then you guys can all follow along on the hectic final three weeks or so leading up to my wedding. won't that be fun?

random side note: have you guys ever watched boy meets world? you know when topanga and cory break up after the school ski trip and shawn says that it's been raining for seven days because god is crying over the fact that the perfect couple he created are no longer together? it's pouring like crazy outside right now and that's the first thing that popped into my head. i'm not exactly sure why, but there it is.

*Save Tonight - Eagle Eye Cherry

i took the polaroid [poster] down in my room

we're leaving this friday for the desert, and i don't think i could be any less prepared - both mentally and physically. and the days are all starting to bleed into each other until it is just one long, never-ending three:o'clock on a sunday afternoon. i don't even know what to do with myself these days. but i'm not going to get into any of that right now because my main goal in life at the moment is to ignore it (did i ever mention that i suck at the whole goal fulfilling thing?).

anyway, i've been sitting with this post open for two hours and instead of writing anything have been procrastinating on other people's blogs because their lives are so much more appealing to me than my own at the moment. blah. i need to do laundry. i hate doing laundry.

oh, i've also been in a pickle about a poster. see, about five years ago (i can't believe it's been that long!) a friend got me this orlando bloom as will turner poster for my birthday that i went home and tacked to my wall. remember once upon a time when i told you people that i hate closing the curtains because it makes me feel trapped? yeah. because of that issue of mine and the location of the poster, it became a kind of known thing about my house. my sixty or something year old neighbor stopped me one time to say that she loved my poster and always looks up at it when she drives up to her house. a sister of my friend/friend of my sister's used to drive by our house whenever she was in the neighborhood to see it (i'm assuming that she stopped, but i actually don't know 'cause i haven't talked to her in forever). another friend said that she only knows my house because of the poster and if i ever took it down she would have no idea which house was ours. originally, i was planning on leaving it where it is, but there are a few issues with that. a) it's mine, and i want it - even if i don't hang it up - because it was a gift, and b) i think my sister is expecting me to take it. but if i do take it with me, i'd need to get another poster to put there because my wall already looks too empty now and i can't undress all of them. (our walls are, and have always been, covered with posters and maps and pictures and photos and flags and t-shirts and masks and you get the idea.) so, should i take the poster with me and get something else to put there? or do i leave the poster where it is? or should i just leave another empty space on the wall to speak of my absence?

*Tire Swing - Kimya Dawson

and now, the end is here, and so i face the final curtain

sometimes, i get majorly anxious about this summer. i've always had a big peter pan complex and this summer is like taking the dream of neverland that was always hovering just out of my reach and throwing it in the trash. in zimbabwe. a hundred years ago. so far away that i can never even think of it anymore.

it's like my entire "childhood" or whatever you can call this extended childhood of mine that has lasted into my twenties is just ending. at once. all together. it's leaving and forgetting to take me with it.

this all started earlier this year, with things like my sister moving away and all the other stuff that was going on. but the culmination of it, the dramatic dropping of the curtain on my life so far happens this summer.

first of all, i'm getting married. that's obviously a very un-stay a kid forever kind of decision.

second of all, harry potter, which has been a defining part of my life, is ending. that's it. done forever. the funny thing about harry potter is that it always coincided with major events in my life. graduate from elementary school? the fourth book comes out. start middle school? the first movie comes out. i move back from saudi arabia when my brother gets super sick? another book comes out. start my senior year of grade school? sixth book and fourth movie come out. graduate from high school? i'm more torn up about the end of my friend's and my story we were writing than the end of school. my sister gets married? the fifth movie and last book come out. i get married? the last movie comes out. i realize that with a book and movie coming out every year, this is not really an exceptional thing, but it was a big part of my life. so to have it end is like, really having it all just end.

that's it. this summer marks the end of everything. i am coming up to the last page, the credits will soon start to roll, the actors will take a bow, i'll close the back cover... and then i will be an adult.

*My Way - Frank Sinatra

'cause i need to know now

let me take a minute to pull my girl hat out from the back of my closet, dust it off, and dedicate this post to me acting like your average girl about to be married. in other words, here's where the wedding plans stand.

i have my dress chosen out, and it is very pretty. it's white and strapless and puffy-skirted and pretty. it's being sewn up or whatever at the wedding dress factory and should arrive here in a couple of months (no i'm not gonna post pictures here because too many people read this that are supposed to be surprised by the dress). i also have the shoes and jewelry bought, the veil and tiara ordered, and no idea what to do for hair and makeup. i don't think a place was booked yet, but since my uncles in jeddah are in charge of that, i might just be out of the loop. i need colors, music, cake, and photographer, too. suggestions? also, the wedding is july sixth. i'm not sure if i told you that or not. if anyone reading this will be in jeddah on that day, let me know and you can come! wouldn't that just make your entire summer?

a week or so after the wedding, we will be honeymooning in london. besides all the main touristy stuff, if you know of anything that i should just not miss while i am there (end of july) then please please please let me know (comment/ email/ formspring/ smoke signals/ carrier pigeons/ whatever). i've never been there before, so i really have everything to see. if you've gone, what was your favorite part?

because my sister and her husband have decided to up and leave the country soon, i had my bridal shower yesterday. besides the awesomeness of seeing friends that i hadn't seen in years, i also got a bunch of really cool presents. my younger sister made me wear a flashing tiara and pink feather boa that was shedding feathers like a molting chicken, but it was super fun. before most of the guests arrived, my sister's friend told us that every time there's an awkward silence, a fairy dies. later in the shower, that was repeated and other people said that it was from a movie, but no one could remember what movie it was from. this is one of those few occasions that google has failed me, and the movie is still a mystery. one that i am dying to solve. so if any of you lovely readers know, i would be forever grateful. i'll even send you a handwritten thank you note, and how awesome is that? (yes, i really do need to know this that badly.)

anyway, there's still a lot of planning to do, but since the dress was the part i was most excited about, i feel like the important stuff is already taken care of. so what if we get married on the street? at least i'll have my dress.

*Baby One More Time - Britney Spears

and in a couple hours i'll be dead

okay so people, namely all my cousins in saudi arabia, have been having the weirdest reactions to my engagement. i feel like i'm gonna get off the plane over there and they'll have a coffin ready for me to climb into. yes, they are making me feel like i am dying not getting married. or at least going somewhere far, far away from where i can never ever come back and they can never go. for example, the first cousin i told (well, actually he was the third, but he was the first to respond), after saying that he was happy for me and wished me all the best said something along the lines of, "i will miss you so much, and i will never forget you. you will always have a special place in my heart." (actually, that may be exactly what he said.) my response was, "um lool i'm not dying. why are you making me feel like i'll never see you again?" he replied with something stupid like "i know" or something equally pointless.

the second cousin i told replied with, "that is so exciting, i will miss you soo much." umm thanks :/.

her niece that i spend practically all summer with sent an i will never forget you and then changed her profile pic on facebook to one of me and her and her status to "i will miss you sarah." in all caps.

her sister sent me a message saying, "don't ever forget me because i will never forget you and the fun times we had together."

do you see the trend going on here? why is everyone going to miss me anymore than they do when i see them a couple of months a year. why do i have to be remembered and not forget them either? i mean, yes, my older sister sees them a lot less than she used to, but that doesn't mean i will. i will still talk to them. i will still see them. i really don't plan on changing any of that. so their reactions, though i find them mildly hilarious, creep me out a little. i swear i'm not dying. i do not have any special kool-aid to drink on my wedding night. i will still be me and ignore their messages for weeks and weeks before sending some lame "sorry. i've been so busy with school. here is an answer to every pointless thing you've sent me over the past month. i miss you too and can't wait for the summer either." at least... i'm pretty sure. do they know something i don't know?

*Sunsets and Car Crashes - The Spill Canvas

i guess this is growing up

i have always had a bit of a peter pan complex. while everyone else was growing up, i was content to stay searching for neverland in all my spare time. and while i intend to hold onto a certain amount of my childness for as long as i live, it seems like this weekend is forcing me off the proverbial cliff into adulthood.

first of all, in a crazy turn of events, that let me tell you even i wasn't expecting, i've been officially engaged for twenty four hours. as in, i'm gonna get married. that's right. me. (don't look so surprised, it's not that shocking.) i, who can't commit to anything, have committed my life to one person. i, who needs long breaks from the public because i cannot stand people, have decided to live with one person (not related to me) day in and day out for the rest of forever. i, who keeps the world at arm's length, have decided to let someone in... a bit lol. it's really crazy, but also awesome. i'd post a picture of the ring because it's pretty but i don't feel like getting my camera cords and downloading them so oh well.

apart from that huge development in my life, i have also been summoned for jury duty tomorrow. i kinda sorta really don't feel like waking up early to go sit around all day doing nothing. i'm dreading this a lot more than is probably healthy, but i don't. want. to. go. my sister, though, is dying to go to jury duty and if she wasn't having a baby like literally at this moment then i would so let her pretend to be me. i mean, besides the fact that that's probably super illegal and i would never do anything to break the law. but yeah, i'm dreading tomorrow.

on a completely unrelated note because my brain is not functioning well and my train of thought got derailed, my nano novel is coming along pathetically. it's really sad how behind i am, but i just can't seem to find the time or motivation to write it. that little progress bar hasn't changed for days. i will catch up, though. if only because i refuse to lose this thing. my tenacity will lead me to victory. by the end of the month, i may have pages and pages of crap, but there will be fifty thousand words there. also, i refuse for ash, my friend, to lose either. we need to meet up to write pronto.

anyway, go congratulate me in me my comments, congratulate my sister too, and motivate me to write. please and thank you.

*Dammit (Growing Up) - Blink 182