you change your mind like a girl changes clothes

i have this problem with commitment. actually, it's not so much a problem as it is that i simply cant do it. i cant commit. to anything.

i cant commit to people. close friends and family aside, i tend to get sick of people fairly quickly... usually they're fault though. for some reason i attract those people that like to smother you, and they fill their lifetime quota of friendliness in a few months. after that, you are so sick of everything even slightly associated to them that every time you hear their name you are tempted to throw yourself out of the nearest window. i'm pretty patient though and can handle people like this for at least a year before i completely shut off. i cant see myself married to the same person - seeing them day in and day out - for the rest of my life. it'd end with either homicide or suicide.

i cant commit to ideas or decisions. i'll have this project idea for example and be all happy with it. the minute it starts to become more concrete than a pretty idea floating around inside my head, i jump ship. i switch over to a completely different idea. this is one of the reasons why all my work is done at the last minute, besides the fact that the last minute was created for exactly this of course.

i can't commit to a web browser. most people i know are either a firefox person, an ie person, a chrome person, or a safari person. they have their preferred browser and they stick to it, through thick and thin. i cant. i generally do my blogging and stumbling on chrome, my email and digging on ie, and my college stuff on firefox - key word being generally. there is no hard fast rule for this.

in the stories i write, i always bail out after a few pages. i might write the first few pages, skip ahead to more interesting parts, write an ending, and then not have the patience to go back and fill in the blanks. i might also just write the beginning or the end or one scene and then switch over to a completely different thing.

i cannot, for the life of me, commit to any diet or exercise routine. i simply do not have the will power. i'll start it out fine, and by the end of the day, weeek, or month, i will have abandoned it so completely that i will not even remember what it was to start with.

this commitmentphobia of mine may come from my fear of failure. if you never commit to something, you can never truly fail at it because you had not given your all. or it may just be that when the will power was being passed out i was too busy getting extra helpings of laziness to pick any up. i may not have the ability to commit because i am more of a journey than a destination type of person. once you actually get some place you're just counting down the minutes till you leave, the getting there is where the fun is. whatever it is, me and commitment go together almost as well as oil and water.

*Hot N Cold - Katy Perry