i've tried, but i can't try no more

i can't for the life of me write this stupid goals statement for my application. i just can't do it. people assume that applying for your phd is some great decision that took thought and deliberation. um, not for me. people think that after a bachelors and masters degree, you'd be an expert in your field. sorry to disappoint. people expect you to have some work experience to rely on, some real world something to give you that extra whatever it is that makes your opinions valid. for some reason, i don't think blogging really counts as computer work.

so how am i supposed to write seven fifty to a thousand words on my plans, credentials, and reasons for giving another chunk of my life to mason?

i was originally going to recycle the essay for my master's application, but it turns out that it was lost in one of joe's many brainwashings because of his susceptibility to viruses. i was crushed. the only thing i even remember about it was that i mentioned planning to work in saudi arabia/start a forensic office there to stand out from the rest of the applicants. i really don't need a phd to do that, making it useless for this particular statement. and then with the release of windows 8 and all of the changes coming with it (because microsoft seems to think that if they don't change absolutely everything, they'll all die), i'm already starting to feel that everything i'm learning is becoming obsolete before i even get a chance to use it. you can't really sell yourself when you're constantly wondering, "what's the point?" disenchantment does not come off as excitement on the page, surprising as that may sound.

i just want this application to be over.

*On Without You - Backstreet Boys

you finally know what was wrong: you are not young anymore

a few weeks ago (or possibly longer) while discussing music with my mom (who actually has pretty awesome taste in music) and how i couldn't find a song online to listen to before i bought it, we came to the brilliant realization that i could use my mom's CD collection which conveniently has the very songs i wanted. it was a great moment. really. this idea hung over my head in the following weeks when i couldn't remember to take said collection from the middle of a pile of tornado-esque debris and/or when i was too busy to worry about adding music to my iPod. finally this morning i brought the CDs up to my room. they have sat here all day next to my computer, just waiting for my parents and brothers to go to sleep. by the time they did, i was pretty excited because it's been a while since i did a major music add to my ipod.

so i put the CD into joe and waited. and waited and waited and waited. and then i remembered that joe's optical drive only reads DVDs now because he is getting old and going senile and has forgotten how to read CD. and i tried a bunch of different things to try and rekindle his memory because he used to have a lot of fun with CDs, but nothing worked. when you're old, you're old. i was quite disappointed. and of course junior doesn't even have an optical drive so he's no help either.

i was really looking forward to a bunch of new songs to listen to on the drive up to yorktown/jamestown tomorrow and now i'll have nothing new until i get the chance to steal someone else's computer for an hour or so (or, you know, until i download something). i'm thinking it's about time to actually get junior an external optical drive. or... could it possibly be time to retire joe? nah.

*You Are Not Young Anymore - Raining Pleasure (i changed the punctuation for the lyric to make it fit.)

i lost my place, but i can't stop this story

so for the past week almost we have had no internet in the house. with all of the commotions going on, i have not ventured much out of the house. that means that i was completely cut off from the online world for an entire week. it was crazy, though i didnt miss it as much as i thought i would. probably because i was too busy. anyway, after getting stood up by our dsl guy three days in a row, we switched to cable internet. yesterday, everyone in the house got internet... except me. it was really sad. i think joe is having trouble adapting to change or something, stupid temperamental computer. but now i have internet, for all intents and purposes, though it decides to  disappear randomly (like while i am writing this post for example. what the hell internet). that's fun. like my sister said, it's like being in saudi arabia just in case i was starting to miss it. i wasn't really.

among the recent commotions around my house, my sister had her baby. did i mention that already? i feel like i might have, but i'm pretty sure i didnt have internet at the time? i dont know, anything earlier than two minutes ago confuses me. it's all one big whirl of past commotions. anyway, she brought home the Baby in Black and he's all cute and small and new. so that's exciting.

oh, and yesterday we threw a pokemon birthday for my brother. i made a team rocket shirt that's beautiful.

also, if you look over at my nano progress bar, you'll see that i have used my internetless nights wisely. though i had been seriously sidetracked, i am now right on track with my nano. there may be a gap in the plot because i didnt reread what i had before jumping back in, but that's okay. it's mostly random rambling, but it's words and they count. i think i said i would tell you all what it's about, right? well, my novel is a middle grade fiction about a group of kids that have random magical powers (some can fly, super strength, mind control, whatever). they wake up one morning to find that all the teachers of their school are kidnapped, and they follow a trail of clues left by the kidnappers to get them back. they learn that creatures of their bedtime stories really do exist and meet giants, leprechauns, etc on their way to the teachers. it's not what i usually write, but the words come fast and easy when i actually get the chance to write them so that's good. some of the characters i have taken from my character reserve so they're happy that they finally get a story and some magic, even if it is one highly in need of editing. i think after rereading harry potter and then reading the girl who could fly for my brothers, i couldnt really expect my stressed out brain to come up with anything else but children fantasy. the other three stories i tried died out a few thousand words in.

speaking of harry potter, i still havent watched the movie. doesnt that make you sad? i had plans to watch it the day it came out, but plans don't work too well with my family. you know who did watch it, though? that girl in my class who didnt even know what it was. apparently she wanted to see what the hype was about. she thought, though, that it was part one of the series not part one of the final book and hearing her talk about it made me want to scream. gah. i'm planning on watching it next week.

*Spinning - Jack's Mannequin

hello! hello! it's good to be back... did you miss me while i was away?

my blog has been suffering from neglect lately, and today it has decided to let me know that it has had enough. when we first got here (a week ago tomorrow) of course one of the first things i did was to check if there were any internet connections in my room because i am an addict. i have come to terms with that. five connections popped up and i sent out a silent thanks to my neighbors. that thanks was promptly taken back when i realized that they were all secured. all of them. maybe they read my blog and knew i was planning on stealing their connection?? i dunno, but i was not happy. my second day here, i got desperate and walked around my room with junior (my netbook who i brought with me instead of joe). i found that if i stood by my window tilted at a certain angle with my computer held out at arm's length at shoulder level, then i could just get an unsecured connection. of course, it was super weak and kept disconnecting, but it was internet. (you have my permission to pity, mock, and ridicule me.) by the third day, junior felt sorry for me enough to get the shaky connection on my bed. but with it disconnecting every second and a half, i just did not feel up to suffering through hours of loading blogger and then waiting for a post to be published. a couple of days ago, we got internet connection. suddenly, i was connected to the world again. awesome feeling. and yet, i didnt sign in to blogger to post anything new. that is not to say there was nothing to post. when we got a flat tire and my dad thought he could still take us all in the car and get us to our cousins' before fixing it which ended up in us pulled over on the side of the road and my dad and cousin lifting up the car with the jack thing with all of us still in it, i was dying to blog. but the second i could, i didnt.

today, i turned on junior and opened chrome. but instead of google popping up as usual, blogger did. and blogger is not my chrome homepage on junior. so i took that as a call from my blog to stop ignoring it. and here i am. pointless post, kinda, except that now you can all rest easy knowing that i've gotten here safely, because i know you were worried. you can also relax and know that i will not be going on a two month hiatus. expect new, insightful, and entertaining posts in the next few days. or, at least new ones.

oh, and the spare tire they struggled to get on the car (if you have seen how men dress here you will realize why it was a struggle) was flat too.

*Hello! Hello! - Gary Glitter

and i will try to fix you

during exams, chrome suddenly stopped working on joe. i was distraught, and not only because i realized just how i addicted i had gotten to this browser. i didnt have the time to really delve into the problem, though, so as a temporary fix i switched my non-school related stuff to firefox. (if you remember, i can't use one web browser for all of my things.) firefox is way too boxy and stuff for me to be creative in apparently, so it didnt really work out. and then, my security system stared telling me that it was stopping information from being sent to some weird ip address. great, i think, joe has been infected. again.

i swear this computer picks up more viruses than a (insert witty metaphor here).

suddenly, google is acting weird and i realize that i have the google redirect virus and some spyware, too. while my computer knew enough to stop the spyware from getting any information, it could not for the life of it find the spyware on the computer. i didnt have time to do anything so i turned off joe and started to just use junior. junior loved the attention, but joe was beginning to grow resentful of his newly assigned job as a shelf to hold grad gifts and other end of the school year related junk.

so today, since i finally had some free time, i set to work. after downloading three different malware detection things that couldnt find it, and going through the system files and dlls, i finally cured him without reformatting the stupid thing which i was two seconds away from doing. yay me.

this was a pointless post, i know, but i really had nothing else to write about. sorry people.

*Fix You - Coldplay

brainwash... when there aint no other way

so joe (remember him?) has been acting a little off lately - slow and unresponsive. i knew it had to be spyware, probably from that sketchy site my professor had us getting stuff from a while back. i ignored it, though, because i just couldnt be bothered to do anything at the moment since so much other stuff had been going on. bad idea. he got sick. really sick. with a virus or two or a hundred and twelve. and the stupid spyware turned him into a zombie computer that just started to shut down everytime i did something that seemed threatening to them. the doctor (microcenter dude) couldnt help him. the only thing i could do was brainwash him. completely erase his memory. and so i did. and now he has nothing on him. i even had to remind him of his and my names. and i really really dont feel like reinstalling all the crap that got deleted. itunes, office, adobe, web browsers (i have an extremely old ie right now. i dont have tabs :/), and a whole bunch of other stuff that i cant remember but probably should. all my files (okay, not all. i did save some of them on my external hard drive).

of course, ill have to stick with open office instead of microsoft (i usually have both). and the adobe suite was a colossal waste of 300 dollars cause i cant get that back. and i had a project i was working on that couldnt be backed up which was really annoying. but at least i got most of my music and all of my pictures, right?

oh, and joe is fine now. coming back from the dead agrees with him.

*Brainwash - The Band

call me lame

you know those moments in life when you realize that you're a total dork?? yeah... my entire life is made up of moments like that. today was a major one. i'm so used to talking to the same group of people that i sometimes slip up when talking to people who dont know me. so today i was discussing computers with an acquaintance. he wants to get a new computer and is looking for someone to sell his old one to, i.e. trying to force me to buy it. i've had my computer for 3 years and to him, that was way too long. so i say that i grew too attached to joe to change him before he's completely dead. for those of you who don't know, i named my computer joe when i got him. so the dude was like, who's joe?? that's when i have to say sheepishly, uhh my computer. to which he responded incredulously with, you named your computer joe? i thought only little kids name their stuff. after an extremely awkward silence, he stopped trying to sell his computer and thought i was really weird.

*Shining - Kristian Leontiou