Friday, March 18, 2011

you're just a sad song with nothing to say

so i've actually been pretty occupied with busy nothings this past week. you know, those things that eat up all your time but you don't feel like you have much to show for them? (i'm talking more about folding clothes and washing dishes than lounging in front of the tv.) yeah, they sucked up my spring break. in the midst of all of those, though, i tried writing a blog post. it took two days and the tone of the post changed so much every time i got the chance to add a few lines to it that i think it will be forever drafted (or deleted). the main gist of it was that my professor had posted a homework assignment a few weeks ago. for the first time in my life i decided not to procrastinate and did a few of the questions. he then went and changed the assignment, taking out the ones i had done and putting in new ones. he said he's not accepting answers that were not part of the "official assignment" - even for extra credit. so i have this huge assignment to do now but i'm too annoyed with the professor to concentrate on it. the people who have started said it's hard. i'm pretty much screwed. the post i had been writing started out annoyed, at one part i made a joke out of the whole thing, then i got panicked and desperate, it was in a very angry tone when i abandoned it as hopeless. lesson learned: procrastination is the only way to make it through life with my sanity intact (and all of my belongings).

i am so disenchanted with life at the moment. just, everything about it. i want to skip over my right now... but instead of moving forward, move back? not that i'm living in the past or anything, but it just feels like this disenchantment will be sticking around for a while and i don't really wanna jump ahead to when i'm 70 and retired. reality has become blah at best, and human stupidity is running rampant through the world. now would be a really good time to stumble into narnia, get a long overdue letter to hogwarts, or find out that i am part of a magical sisterhood and travel to a different realm. or you know at the end of inkheart the movie how the girl (i forgot her name) read the author into his book?  yeah, i'd be okay with being read into almost any book on my bookshelf. someone should get on that.

oh, and my watch ticks really loudly. like ridiculously loud. it's slightly depressing, like a really loud reminder of every second that is passing: there goes a second that i could've been working, there's goes a second that i was alive, now i'm closer to failing, now i'm closer to dying. having it tick while doing my work is like someone playing the jeopardy music throughout your exam. it makes the whole thing more nerve-wracking.

*Disenchanted - My Chemical Romance

6 comments:

  1. That second paragraph sums up how I've been feeling for the past however long.

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  2. anonymous hippopotamusMarch 18, 2011 at 3:19 PM

    ummm heres an idea...take off your watch! :S lol

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  3. tooly... :/ i feel like our generation was brought up on magic and dreams and then woke up one day to the cold truth that they don't get along with reality. you have to choose between the two, but you know on like Word when an option is greyed out and you can't click it? yeah, that's magic at the moment.

    anonymous hippopotamus... in the beginning i didn't even have the watch on. it was sitting on my belle thermos on my nightstand (if you remember where that is) and i could hear it as if it was taped to the side of my head. then i put it on cause there was just no reason not to.

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  4. my escape is in my mind. I read myself into books and create works of my own. the real would can be so shit, but having a way out is great. plus the crappiness of the rahl world makes the fake so much better. but there are some highlights. for me the main highlight is tom.

    also, I hate ticking. I go with quiet watches :p

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  5. Paragraph number two is a godsend, because I thought I was the only one- besides tooly anyway- and there was something terribly wrong with me. But after reading this, I'm reasonably confident that I'm of a superior breed, along with you and many other, that are just too good for this place and the world. I motion we pack up and plan a road trip to Narnia, Neverland, or Hogwarts. Whichever, really. I'm up for anything at this point.

    I'm probably writing this just to make myself feel better, but hey, whatever.

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  6. Hannah... i read myself into books, too, but it seems like there's always someone/something to drag me out at the worst time. i mean, yes, there are some great things about the real world, but sometimes i just need an escape.

    Lujain... start planning the road trip and i'll be the first one there. :)

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