Thursday, September 19, 2013

i don't know anymore

so since i embarked on this torturous journey of confusion and politics called a post-graduate degree, i have encountered three groups of people. group a and group b are really big. group c is really small. (if i was being a stickler then group c would only have one person in it. i am throwing in a few others just to make myself feel better.)

[group a] this group is filled with the naysayers. these are the people that tell me that i am not good enough and that i should just drop out. they are the programmer worshippers and the forensics haters. these are the people who have been sucked so far down the black hole of academic bureaucracy that they take their petty arguments with each other out on the students. i do not generally like these people.

[group b] this group has all of the people who do not believe in degrees. they think that i am too good for the program and should be out in the field doing things. they tell me that i am depriving the industry of fresh minds and diversity and awesome people. they think that i should put academics on hold for a bit and do things that will change the world. after all, they tell me, books will wait but the world will not. i generally really like these people.

[group c] like i said, this is really a group of one person. he thinks that i am both good enough to get a phd AND work in the field and he will support me through both. he knows that i still have lots to learn, and is willing to help me fill in the holes of my knowledge. he wants me to continue along the academic path because he believes that i can do it and then go take the industry by storm. (the other three people want me to continue along this path too, but mostly because they need to be on a certain number of committees and i am no use to them unless i am a student.)

now, while group a and group b are vastly different in a lot of things, they do have one thing in common. they both think that i should drop out. at least for now. and i dunno. after finding an adviser this summer i kind of thought that it was a sign from god that i should ride this thing out. but so many people are telling me to drop out. i'm starting to wonder if it's time to start listening to them.

(i met up with a professor yesterday that was so completely in group b that he shook up all of my convictions that becoming a doctor is what i want to do.)

*Some Nights - Fun. 


  1. That's tough!! I have no helpful advice, but I hope you are able to make a decision that brings you peace. :)

  2. anonymous hippopotamusSeptember 20, 2013 at 4:08 AM

    haha I like Bethany's comment. :D I really like the one professor...but you don't seem very happy still being a student. So I think you should think really hard about it, finish out the semester and decide. Can you take a leave of absence at a PhD program? That's what I would suggest doing. So try the working thing and take a break from being a student but don't fully drop out until you are sure.

    1. you act as if i'm ever happy with anything lol. i'm done with classes so i can take some time off without actually taking any time off. i have eleven years from my first semester so if i take a leave of absence it'll eat out of that time, but i mean i could totally do it. i'll most likely finish it out because that's what i do, but yeah.

  3. anonymous hippopotamusSeptember 21, 2013 at 4:46 PM

    Oh Sarah! You are happy knitting scarves and eating chocolate and being with darcy....and oh uh duh! my kids!!

    1. this is true. can i just do this with my life? is that allowed?