Wednesday, February 27, 2013

you always thought that i was stronger, i may have failed but i have loved you from the start

sometimes i can be a big procrastinator. and by sometimes i mean all the time, and by can be i mean am. it's really bad. and i want to change, but really it's more that i want to want to change and sometimes it's even that i want to want to want to change and who has time to do any changing when you're caught up in the number of want to's? not me, that's for sure.

take now for example, i'm supposed to be working on my independent study paper and instead i'm doing... well, everything else. i was supposed to have more done on this thing already. i was supposed to already have had a progress report meeting with the professor i'm reporting to. but i have nothing done, and because he likes me and thinks i'm a smart and responsible individual, he's okay with me not setting up a meeting yet. because he doesn't think i need someone to stand over my head to get something done. and he is so, so wrong.

i feel really bad because i really like this guy. he's awesome and possibly one of my favorite people here at mason. definitely in the top five. and he expects all this great stuff from me, because he really believes i have some potential for awesomeness and great achievement. and yet i'm sitting here doing not work and feeling bad about it but i cannot get myself to do any work. i can't.

this does not bode well for the rest of the phd process. i mean, the whole dissertation phase is basically me working on my own writing and stuff with occasional check ins with my advisers. and you know, i'm starting to realize just how impossible that is. i cannot work without a last minute breathing down my neck. you cannot write a forty page paper or an entire dissertation in the last minute. i need to get my act together.

just to clarify because the title may be misleading, this is not one of the professors that i fell in love with. i just think he's a super amazing and interesting person and in a world full of wastes of space he is most definitely the opposite of wasting his space.

*Fall for You - Secondhand Serenade

1 comment:

  1. anonymous hippopotamusFebruary 28, 2013 at 2:59 AM

    *siiiiiighh* professor lyons.