Thursday, December 4, 2014

i love you like the stars above, i'll love you till i die

draft last saved on november tenth, two thousand and fourteen.

i am sitting on the floor of my new, couchless living room, eating sour punch strawberry straws and thinking, as i often do when i consume complete crap, that i probably should have grown out of my fondness for weird, sour, chewy things at some point. most people seem to, at least. it's an important part of growing up that i have missed out on. there is light pouring in from all of the windows that we have yet to curtain, and a miniature human being is twisting around inside of me, and i am suddenly overcome with the greatest feeling of sappiness that i do not think i can contain it.

so prepare yourselves.

i've always been a little kid person. always. invite me anywhere and you'll likely find me hanging out with the under ten group. and toddlers? i think they are my all-time favorite people in the whole world. despite this, the idea of pregnancy has always kind of icked me out. it was creepy and gross and tiring and painful and just something that had to be endured to get to the kids. and by that i meant that it was something for other people to endure. pregnancy was not for me, of that i was certain.

i was soso wrong. i think a big part of it was that i was embarrassingly ignorant about a lot of things. i don't know if i was busy playing hangman in that lesson of bio, if i was just never taught it, or if i just didn't fully appreciate it until now, but guys, pregnancy is fascinating, and miraculous. and i obviously knew all the basics, but the small stuff, like when exactly they develop a four chamber heart and how the spleen makes the red blood cells until the bone marrow takes over and the way that they are their own little person with eye color and everything before they are actually even a person just fills me with this great sense of awe, and it is probably one of the coolest things that i've ever done/learned about. i mean, it is still super creepy to think that there is a whole person-parasite just baking inside of me waiting until it is strong enough to make it in the real world, but it is the most amazing kind of creepy. and yes, pregnancy is still tiring and kind of gross and painful, but it is so much more, too. it doesn't hurt that i was blessed with such an easy pregnancy, of course.

and this person squiggling around inside of me? i am already so much in love with him. every time he kicks or moves i am overwhelmed by this giddy feeling like we are the only two members in a super exclusive club. a really awesome club that no one else can get into. and we kind of feel sorry for you, but we're having too much fun with each other to actually let it get to us. and because i am perpetually a glass-half-empty kind of girl, i'm already lamenting the void that will no doubt consume me when our two-person club expands to include the rest of the world. but for now, it's just me and cricket, and it is wonderful.

everything about it feels very right. i've always been a bit mother hen-ish, and this just feels like everything is falling into place. or something. i know that in a few months i will be sitting on the floor crying because i am so tired and i have no idea what cricket wants, but until then, things are good.

*Romeo and Juliet - The Killers


  1. :')
    happy tears for you.
    i did remember the things about babies and their developmental stages but not from ISA- from undergrad bio. i also remember that nipples form before eyelids, ears, and the face. And eyelashes and nails finish growing before the bone marrow starts making blood cells.
    also, male fetuses can have erections in utero. whomp whomp whompppp.

    1. thank you!
      and see, this is another reason why i regret doing APs. i didn't take a single science class in college. (or english or history. the three classes that i actually wanted to take.) i feel like i missed out on a lot of potential cool facts. and i did not know those facts! it seriously fascinates me. i'm actually thinking of taking an undergrad bio class just because i'm so interested in it. i like learning.

  2. anonymous hippopotamusDecember 7, 2014 at 1:53 AM

    This made me cry! I'm soooooo happy for you....and I'm also a little jealous because you're having that wonderful pregnancy experience mashallah that a lot of other people talk about and you get to appreciate the miraculousness of it all mashallah...and I'm just nauseous and sick and can't wait for it to be over. :'(

    You are so very lucky mashallah and I am so so so so so happy and excited for you! :D

    1. thank you! and i am going to chalk the crying up to hormones. two nights ago i was flipping through this thing on breastfeeding and saw the picture of the cutest baby i have ever seen and almost burst into tears because it was just that cute lol.

      while i am sososo grateful that i am getting an easy pregnancy (and inshallah this translates into easy delivery and a baby like me), there are other times where, because i don't feel pregnant, i actually forget that i am. like the whole beginning of my pregnancy was basically like, what? oh yeah i'm pregnant. so i'm not one of those movie-pregnancies, but al7amdulillah it's been good. did you watch what to expect when you're expecting? i feel like we're the stepmom-stepdaughter in that lol.

  3. This is the cutest thing ever. And cricket? Nickname of the year.

    I am so so happy for you!! :) I'm sending a thousand happy wishes your way for you and your little one. <3

    1. thank you so much! <3 <3

      also, i'm glad to know that someone else likes the nickname cricket. my dad hates it vehemently and is always lecturing me about not naming my kids after bugs lol. i have also gotten a lot of weird looks and people that say something like, "that's an... interesting nickname."