goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the one for me

jasper is dead, and i am heartbroken. a few months ago (possibly longer), he started to have some issues. the main one was that he would sometimes just restart out of nowhere and then get stuck in a reboot loop where he would almost finish restarting but then decide to just restart from the beginning again. these loops would only last a minute, though, and usually if i took off my phone case they'd finish even faster. another very frustrating issue was that he would get in these moods where, whenever i would go to take a picture, he'd just turn off. like the take a picture button was a power button or something. he would also do this thing where he would turn off out of nowhere, and when i turned him back on, the battery would be mostly drained. my husband (and most other people in my life) told me to buy a new phone. but i loved jasper, and he was still perfectly usable most of the time, and so i stubbornly refused.

fast forward to a few weeks ago. i was at target with my husband having a text-conversation with a friend about whether or not she was going to another friend's dinner when jasper decided to restart. and restart. and then restart some more. i took off the case and waited, but he just kept trying to restart. i took out the battery for a while, but the second i put it back in, the restarting just continued. i tried everything, but all my efforts were made in vain. and then, after about twenty minutes, right when i was ready to call the time of death, he was finally able to finish a restart and everything was back to normal. 

now, a smart person would have heeded the warning signs and made some sort of preparation for the inevitable end. i am not a smart person, though. i am a person who apparently believes deeply in denial. "he's fine," i said. "it was just a weird one-time thing. i'll never have to buy another phone for the rest of my life."

and then monday happened where any time i touched a button i would send jasper into freak-out restart forever mode. he always came back after a while, though, and so i still did nothing. come tuesday, jasper was getting stuck in restart loops that lasted hours, draining his battery completely in the process. and now here i am on wednesday night, still unable to use my phone because he will not stop trying to restart and pulled rudely from the lands of denial. 

i am not ready for my phone to die. i never synced my candy crush with facebook so none of my progress is saved. nearly up to level five hundred, and for what? i have pictures that i have not saved to a computer or backed up in any way yet. there is so much stuff on my phone that i want and/or need, and now i cannot get to it. and i am sad. plus, buying a house is expensive. furnishing a house is expensive. having a baby is expensive. buying a phone is expensive. i was not prepared for that last one in the midst of all the others. 

for the meantime i am using my husband's old phone. and i am grateful to get to use it, but it has none of the apps i use (which are basically only four: whatsapp, instagram, candy crush, and babycenter), an awful background, all the wrong notification sounds, none of my alarms, the wrong layout format thing, and is not my phone. adjusting his phone to look like jasper just feels like defeat, and i somehow refuse to accept that. i am still carrying around jasper trying to get him to start up again, but so far have had no luck. sigh. 

it's been a good two and a half years, jasper. (it's actually been two years and seven months almost to the day.)

*Goodbye My Lover - James Blunt