the great idea i had for my thesis that no one wanted to work with me on but that my forensics guy and i thought was absolutely fantastic has just been done by some company out in california. i can't bring myself to read the entire article because, well, i don't really know why. i mean, i was thinking of dropping out anyway. the only reason i was going to stay was because i thought this idea was something worth my time and effort. and now it's been taken by someone else - like my exact thing - and i think that i should feel a little relieved but instead i feel panic. a flood of 'oh god what am i supposed to do now?' and of course the obvious answer is to stop cowering from the real world behind a shield of academia and just get a move on with my life, but i have never really been one for obvious answers. so there's that.
and time has been disappearing on me just like my papaya nail polish and the best friend ring from my cousin did. i remember coming home from class on friday night, then waking up saturday morning, then eating pizza with my family sunday evening, and going out last night, but everything in between is just nothing. maybe i'm being possessed by voldemort. i have to admit i really wouldn't mind that too much of he could do me a favor and avada kedavra my group members that i just don't seem able to stand. at all. even though i've tried.
i am so ready for this semester to be over.
oh, and just in case you were wondering, nano is going very weirdly this year. it'll only get done because i refuse to even think that i could possibly lose. i keep forgetting key parts in the story that tie the two narratives together so i'll just throw a scene in the middle of nowhere that addresses the point and then continue on with my apparent inability to describe anything or give any sort of story line. it seems like a lot of dialogue with no story in between. for all the reader knows, i have characters floating around in a black void saying things emotionlessly. i used to write like that a lot, and then some wonderful person on the internet called me out on it, and i got better. i guess i'm regressing.
*Lose Some Time - Grace Potter and the Nocturnals