Monday, September 6, 2010

all the small things

It's just that every day from the second I wake up till the second I pass out cold, my day, like the day of almost every other mother I know, is made up of a series of concrete, specific actions. And they're actions that kind of wear away at passion, if you know what I mean. The actions are petty and small like... Like refilling coffee cups or folding underwear. But they accumulate in this really debilitating way that diminishes my ability to focus on almost anything else. Bigger things like, you know, ideas or...politics or dreams of a better life.
 ~Motherhood, 2009

i watched this movie yesterday, and this quote was just so true. i could totally relate to the feeling. there are times when your (my) life gets too caught up in the small routine things: wake up. wash up. get dressed. go to school. clean house. do laundry. make lunches. check mail. and whatever else. when you repeat these things enough times, that's all your life becomes. and suddenly, i can't read, i can't write, i can't focus on anything but folding clothes and cleaning ovens and scrubbing toilets. dreams get lost between kids' homework and dirty dishes, and before i know it, days/weeks/months of my life have suddenly disappeared.

according to my sister, the movie was too real to be enjoyable. it was like watching your life ten years into the future and knowing that there's nothing you can do to make it any better cause that's just about as good as it gets. no sparkle, no grand dramatic moments that change the world, no fairy godmother with her magic wand... just real life.

also, the fact that i related to this movie annoys me. it's like how my amazon shopping cart is filled with books i refuse to buy and recommendations i refuse to listen to because they all relate to either middle-aged women or mothers struggling to keep their heads above water. last time i checked, i was neither of these. and the fact that apparently that's one of the groups i relate to most depresses me.

*All the Small Things - Blink-182

1 comment:

  1. anonymous hippopotamusSeptember 8, 2010 at 2:19 PM

    totally depressing...this is exactly how I feel.

    I hate you for depressing me more so than I already am. :(

    ReplyDelete