sometimes i wonder about the small things that disappear with a person when s/he dies. the little nuances in character that really made the person unique. the things that some people may have never even known about them. take me for example, when i die, people may remember that i liked books, but would they remember which book i read when i was feeling depressed? which one i read for light reading during stressful days? which ones held my favorite characters and which i couldn't stand? would they remember that i used scraps of whatever for bookmarks - receipts, tags, gum wrappers, ticket stubs - and that the bookmarks would stay in the books to be used forever after that? they may remember that i liked to write, but would they remember which pieces i was most proud of? would they remember that my favorite punctuation was the question mark or that i could never really write anything worthwhile when i was happy? would they know that anything creative was written with openoffice writer instead of ms word and why? would they remember my many insecurities or just that i handed out cockiness by the bucketful?
when people die (or even just leave, but you know, i prefer the morbid), the ones they leave behind tend to remember memories about them instead of the people themselves. they remember what they want and who they want. the random pieces that made them a whole person are lost somewhere in the dirt they're buried in.
for future reference, here are some of the random things that make me me:
[one] the streaks left in the carpet after vacuuming make me happy.
[two] folding clothes is the bane of my existence.
[three] my favorite place is the ocean. large bodies of water fill me with a mixture of hope and sadness that makes my chest tight.
[four] i'm not a fan of feet.
[five] half of what i say is quoted from a book/movie/tv show.
[six] i don't like even numbers.
[seven] i like to sit in traffic and listen to good music.
[eight] growing up, all of my toys were boys. even now, most of my stuff that i name get boys' names (joe, junior, jj).
[nine] i've always regretted the fact that i never took a real english/writing/literature class since ap english in high school.
[ten] i hate change because the unknown brings with it a higher risk of failure, and failure is my biggest fear.
[eleven] i don't ask for help from others.
[twelve] i like the feel of sore muscles after exercising, but rarely have the will power to get up and exercise.
[thirteen] i get buyers remorse over just about anything, so it takes me forever to actually buy something.
[fourteen] colored socks make me happy.
[fifteen] my favorite number is fifteen, followed by seven and nine.
*All the Small Things - Blink 182