Sunday, June 23, 2013

there's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain

so the other day i was flipping through the internet and came upon this on tumblr. i thought it was pretty perfect, so i decided to share.

what it is like to live with an anxiety disorder

no one ever congratulates you
for doing the really difficult things
like driving on the freeway or getting out of bed or
staying alive

every friendship you make is a countdown
to the moment
when they finally can’t deal
with the missed calls and canceled hangouts
every friendship is on a timer
every friendship expires sooner,
not later

you hear phrases like “bootstraps”
over and over
until you wish you had some to hang
yourself with

you have to learn to simultaneously
relax your muscles
and move them with determination
you have to be in control
and you have to let go
at the same time
it’s enough to drive you into
a blubbering mess

music is a conduit
crying is a conduit
your dad calling is a conduit
everything becomes a conduit
for either having or not having another panic attack

you learn to stop making plans
because you’ll either disappoint yourself
or someone you care about or both

you accept all of it

you hope someday everyone else can
accept it too


*Hate Me - Blue October

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