Wednesday, September 21, 2011

i love you like the stars above, i love you till i die

so i came home today, opened my email to see if i had any blog comments, and realized that i haven't actually posted anything in the past few days. my disappointment at my empty inbox (well, empty of anything new) prompted me to remedy that.

i'm applying for the phd program at my school for next semester (why, yes, i am certifiably insane), but i only really started the application today. it's due in about a week. most of it i can do pretty quick, but i need three recommendation letters. three. that means that i need to find people to recommend me, convince them to do it, and then make sure they have their stuff in on time. it's a pretty tight squeeze. especially since, being the youngest and least experienced in most of my classes, i'm rarely the one doing most of the talking. who really wants to take the time to recommend someone they can barely remember?

i knew that one of my professors knew me enough to write a personal recommendation. the only problem was that he rarely checked his email and never responds to anything. he prefers phones. but mason, great college that it is, updated to the new blackboard this semester without telling me and deleted the old one. that means that all my old notes, assignments, and syllabuses (i always though the plural of syllabus was syllabi. i feel stupid now.) are gone. thrown out in a giant virtual dumpster. that includes his phone number. i decided to email him and if i didn't get a response to cyberstalk him to find his number tomorrow. yeah, i'm that desperate.

twenty minutes later, i get an email from him saying "who does it need to be addressed to?" i was ecstatic. i email back explaining that the whole thing is done online now and that if i could submit his email they'll send him the form. his reply: "no problem. i would love to do it for you."

and i'm not gonna lie, i fell even more in love with him. i dunno if i mentioned my crush, for lack of a better word, on this guy here, but i was really obsessed with him. (he taught the two-student class i was in.) i loved going to his class early and talking and listening to his stories. he has an awesome sense of humor and is smart and amazing (and not really attractive at all but whatever). i could tell he would write me something good, because he liked me. he doesn't believe in pluses/minuses on grades, as he stressed repeatedly at the start of every class i ever took with him, and so when i saw the A+ he gave me last fall, i have to admit that i smiled like an idiot for a few seconds.

anyway, one of the other professors said i had to go meet up with him which i kinda don't feel like doing and the other one didn't answer. i'm not feeling very confident right now.

i think i procrastinated so long on applying because deep down, i know i'm not going to get into the program. they want you to have experience in the field and i have a grand total of none. i know that. and i think i naturally shy away from rejection and failure. which resulted in a very last minute application. tomorrow will be spent finding people to recommend me (and dragging up buried feelings of intellectual love for my professor of course).

oh, and i realize that the title is over the top. it's late, and i'm watching top chef: just desserts, and i can't think of anything else right now.

*Romeo and Juliet - The Killers


  1. i had to contact my professors over this past week to write my recommendation letters and my deadlines are pretty soon as well. but naturally, it's left to last minute. and i was worried none of them would answer or reply back but they all did and were happy to do so. thank the lord, i was schvitzing just waiting for a reply back.

    some of my friends said they've had difficult times trying to acquire professors for their recommendation letters. i suppose it depends on the professor and how to contact said professor. but i hope it works out for you and soon!

  2. anonymous hippopotamusSeptember 22, 2011 at 4:26 PM

    aww you have your own prof lyons loool

  3. mahoney... i had no trouble with the recommendation letters to get into my masters program, but these are proving to be much harder. no one is replying and the ones that do want to sit and talk to me about my plans before anything. like i have time for that.

    anon hippo... why yes, yes i do.

  4. anonymous hippopotamusSeptember 24, 2011 at 9:55 PM

    uh actually sarah you have plenty of time for only have class once a week. and i could join you and we could have lunch afterwards..

  5. it's not that i don't have time in my schedule. it's that i don't have time before the applications are due.