I'm so sick, so sick of just always dreaming

You know those days that you think about all of your greatest dreams... and then realize most of them will never ever come true?? yeah, that was what i did today. it's pretty sad. so here's a look at the top 10 things (in no particular order) i really want to but probably never will get around to doing:

1. backpack across europe. why won't it happen?? with my parents (or dad) being who they are, there are only 2 ways that would happen. a) i go with them or b) i go with my husband. they already went and don't want to go again cuz "they're too old" (yes i got desperate enough to ask) and i'm not planning on getting married. and even if for some unfathomable reason i actually do end up getting hitched one day, it'll most likely be to some saudi dude who wouldnt go for it. at least not the way i want to go. ever watch Gilmore Girls and see the grandparents reaction to lorelei and rory's plan to backpack across europe?? yeah that's most saudis i've met. they'd be more interested in the five star hotels than the hole in the walls i'd wanna stay at. so while still cool, it wouldn't be my dream.

2. take an air balloon over the alps. why won't it happen?? i'd have to get to europe first. see above for why that won't work out.

3. live on a boat for at least a year. like without coming on land except in the most extreme emergencies. i actually worked it out with my parents that i'm gonna do this with my brothers when they graduate high school. maybe my dad too cuz he wants to come. i have my boat narrowed down to two and am debating whether to hire a skipper or just learn everything myself. i have money saved that i could use. but i mean really, what are the chances of this ever actually happening? slim to none.

4. write a novel and get it published. first part?? easy. second?? not so easy. i have a problem with people reading what i write. i wrote out a whole reason of why this is. no one's read it. plus, even if that wasn't the case, my writing, though not awful, isn't really publishing worthy. but ever since i was like 4 i've wanted to be an author. *sigh* oh well.

5. own a library like the beast's. why it won't happen?? life, unfortunately, is far from a disney movie. and that library is an architectual impossibility. i've checked.

6. go to space. i've always been infatuated with space. i find it truly amazing. i'd fail the physical exams to be an astronaut in a second. i'm too big of a lazy bum. and unless the commercial space trips they're starting get a lot cheaper, there's no way for me to go.

7. live on my own deserted island. like the one on lost. minus the smoke monster, the others, the random polar bears, the dead people walking around, and all the other lostie things. but the island itself is gorgeous. unfortunately, though it does exist, it is far from deserted. and i doubt there are any completely empty islands left. stupid explorers.

8. live in a huge wicker house attached to an air balloon. i love flying, but i think i might get sick of a plane eventually. unless i invested in a private jet, that'd be okay too. but ever since reading 21 Balloons back in like 3rd grade, i've wanted to do this. the dude in the book had a hot air balloon with a wicker house. i envy him. why it won't happen?? i don't think it is actually possible. plus, i couldn't do it by myself and no one wants to go with me.

9. go to one of those impoverished villages and like save them. cure their disease. teach them to read. clean their water source. build them houses. whatever it is, just do something meaningful to really help someone else instead of being a selfish brat my whole life. why it won't happen?? see reason for #1.

10. be a character in a book. no, not have a character written after me, but actually live in a book. like not be real. their lives are just so much cooler, even when they suck. and so beautifully written. stupid reality. this was obviously impossible from the second i was born.

*Let's Get Married - Archie Star