i hope you'll understand

i found this in my notebook when i was flipping through it today looking for notes for my paper. only, i have absolutely no memory of ever having written it. ever. it's in my handwriting and sounds like something i would write (i think i've beaten that whole you-were-better-in-my-imagination idea to death, don't you?) but i have no idea when i did. strange.

please understand that it isnt you. it was never you.

it wasnt you that disappointed me.

it wasnt you that i fell in love with.

it wasnt you that took my breath away.

it was all me. me and my ridiculous imagination that continues to run away while i stand hunched over gasping for breath miles behind.

and please understand that it would never have worked. if we tried to drag this out anymore, there'd be disaster. chaos. the glow of my imagination had me blinded for a while, but it's beginning to fade, and i've realized you are not who i thought, what i thought, what i wanted or thought i wanted if i had even thought at all.

and please understand that an ending does not make this a mistake. goodbyes do not make our story any less like cinderella's or snow white's. it's still as magical. still as completely unreal. our story just has 'happily ever after' written after 'the end.'

on a different note, it's burning hot outside and the shuttle to get to this campus had no AC. yes, 35 students complete with books, bags, and other assorted carry-ons stuffed in the back of a bus with no windows and no air conditioner. hell.

*Understand - Joss Stone