i just pray my problems go away if they're ignored

two months ago, my professor assigned a paper/policy thing for us to write. i looked at it yesterday for the first time (not counting when the dude opened it in class), because a couple of kids in my class had just opened it on wednesday and told the rest of us that hadnt looked at it yet that we should probably start because it was crazy. "we still have two whole weeks," we said. biggest. mistake. ever. i had a heart attack, tried to figure out what he wanted, hyperventilated, reread the directions, freaked out a lot, looked to see if we had learned any of the stuff we would need to use in the project, and then closed the thing two hours later and refused to open it again.

it doesnt help that the professor announces on wednesday that he's expecting 45-50 pages. what the hell?? you think you could've mentioned this when you assigned the thing two months ago?? oh, and it's worth a whopping fifty percent of our grade. just perfect.

so far, i have been trying to push the paper to the back of my mind and distract myself with the fact that my cousin is leaving next sunday. maybe it'll just get bored of waiting and do itself?? that's what i'm hoping for anyway. my subconscious mind has been fighting with my consciousness on this decision and likes to wake me up every two minutes at night and throw the paper in my face every time i let my guard down. i can feel the stress bubbling up again and i dont like it any more than i did last semester.

point of this post is that i think i might have to take a short blogging hiatus due to said paper and cousin leaving. this will be my way to motivate myself to not procrastinate this any more, because i really can't afford it. i cannot fail one of my first grad school classes. i refuse. once i finish it, though, i'll pretty much be done with the semester and my blog will be full of so much optimistic relief it'll make you sick. really. be prepared to gag on happiness, rainbows, and fuzzy bunnies.

*When I Go Down - Relient K