ten bucks says you don't have it in you

you're watching the tv tell a story about some famous guy who killed himself. he might have been a she, but the famous part is undebatable because we all know those are the only deaths that matter. and you look over and say, "life may get bad, but it never gets that bad. it should never get that bad." i think about punching you, but really, you're not worth it.

i never cut myself. i never inhaled water or took enough pills to need a stomach pumping. i never touched a gun or tied a rope or stood teetering at the edge of a cliff two thoughts past "what if." sometimes i wish i had the courage to.

they say that everyone dies twice. once when the soul leaves the body and once when their name is spoken for the last time. i just want to become famous enough to never have to die the second time. maybe then i'll never have to find out what comes next.

i think about the guy that killed himself. maybe he didn't do it because things got that bad. maybe he did it because he knew they never could.

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goodness but there has been a lot of deaths over the past couple of weeks. my younger sister's best friend's mom, who was a close family friend and also worked at my high school, just passed away. i'm thinking all of the death inspired this. plus a verizon employee and a random internet poem.

*Dutch Courage - The Spill Canvas