so this is great britain and welcome aboard

i recently rewatched the first three seasons of primeval with my husband (because he hadn't seen them) so that i could watch the final two seasons and finally finish the show. (the new (to me at least) episodes made me so mad in the beginning that i could only watch one episode at a time to keep from throwing things at the tv (a really bad habit of mine). i hated everything about them.) but this post is not about primeval. while watching the show and thinking about other british tv shows i've watched, i decided to compile a list of things that i learned about british people by watching british tv if i actually believed everything i see on tv. that is a long name. probably longer than the list to be honest. but here it is:

• british people don't lock their doors. ever. it doesn't matter if you're a teenager from the wrong side of the tracks or the head of a super secret government agency that fights dinosaurs, you never lock your door. actually, they might not even have locks on their doors. this makes it way easier to get into your apartment if you're in a rush (and let's face it, when you're cramming at least a day into forty three minutes, you're always in a rush) and makes it easy for people to just barge into your house uninvited (and usually at inconvenient times) whenever they feel like it (usually to further some minor plot point).win win, really. 
• british people have a legal drinking age of like, three (or fifteen or sixteen). either that, or they never card and everyone's perfectly okay with sharing their bars with children. you see kids in high school just sitting there drinking beer for breakfast before school, and everyone is all, "jolly good day sir" instead of "what the hell do you think you kids are doing?"
• british people who cuss will never not sound amusing and will always sound higher class than american people who cuss. always. there is no way for me to ever unlearn this. british cussing will never not be awesome.
• british people who are smart are smart in every field possible. a history buff will know complex mathematics and science formulas and engineering. a star wars fan who likes dinosaurs and believes in conspiracies is basically a complete genius at every little thing you throw at him. if you're not ridiculously smart, you have the ability to understand things way beyond what should be possible for your level of intellect. breathing just generally makes them smarter is what it looks like to me.
• british people like to say that it's always raining, when in fact, the sun never stops shining. on the rare occasion where there is a little rain, they like to make jokes about english weather and how very used to the rain they are (though they rarely get any).
• british people have no property laws. if you throw a party in your house and a hobo moves in and locks you out, you are forced to find a new place to live because that is now the hobo's home sweet home. squatting apparently never goes out of fashion.
• british people (and animals and monsters and what have you) are polite and orderly. dinosaurs only visit places after closing time to keep the government's secret safe and keep injuries and death at a minimum. hundreds of magical british students will obey all school rules to avoid detention, while in reality they could totally overthrow the ten teachers watching over them. super evil british wizards always wait until the end of the school year to attack their underage enemies to allow them to learn as much as possible before they die. making them get behind in their studies would just be rude.

i could probably go on with this list forever, but i won't. 

*So This is Great Britain - The Holloways