it helps to write it down even if you then cross it out

i went through a phase where i would delete everything i wrote. actually, i'm not sure if it could be considered a phase since it went on for most of my life... but whatever. point is, i would write something - short, long, good, bad - and after it was written, after it was out of my system (mind you, this could take anywhere from minutes to weeks), i would delete the entire thing. it seems stupid now, but at the time it made sense. rereading what i write always makes me come to terms with reality, and reading something that i thought was good only to realize it really wasnt was a bit depressing. and then there was the completely over the top phobia of people reading what i wrote and getting any insight whatsoever into the workings of my mind (which, if truth be told, are really not that interesting and didnt deserve all the paranoia). if it was deleted, no one could read it. and really, i was writing for myself. as long as it was written down the first time, it served its purpose.

needless to say, i regret a lot of that now. while reading over stuff i wrote years ago still makes me cringe, i take it as proof that my writing has improved - or at least my view of what good writing is has been refined. and i wish i still had some of the things that i wrote.

for example, i wrote a series of short stories - i dont think any of them even made it far into the teens of pages, but i cant really say for sure - that took the traditional fairy tales past the riding into the sunset and deeper into the happily ever after. they were a little cynical (but what do you expect from me?) with reality managing to catch up with the characters, but they all - or mostly all - kept their happy endings. for some reason, i feel like rereading these. i wrote these in high school and i liked them at the time, so in my head they are still good despite the fact that if i was able to read them now i'd probably hate them. my favorite two (or at least the two that stick out in my head the most) were the princess and the frog and pinocchio. i'm thinking of maybe rewriting them. maybe.

umm i swear there was supposed to be some main point to this post, but i think i lost it somewhere along the way, so yeah...

*Always Love - Nada Surf