Friday, January 15, 2010

unapologetic apathy

"I think it’s a Western notion of demonizing inactivity. No one can be productive all the time. If there’s a period of weeks when your imagination decides it needs to take a nap then maybe that’s what it needs to do." -- Elliott Smith on writer's block

no, i don't have writer's block per se, but i came across that quote, liked it, and thought i'd share it with all of you. i am, however, suffering from ennui. *sigh* i feel a little like this:





i think the ennui and apathy is my body's attempt at deluding itself into thinking that it's not nervous to start grad school, which for some inexplicable reason it is. very much so. i think the nervousness may be the result of having the threat of getting kicked out of the master's program if i get three c's shoved down my throat repeatedly in the past few days. now this probably wouldnt have affected me so much if last semester never happened. but it did. and i got a c (the plus really does nothing to soften it) and now my confidence is shot. kinda. i think if it wasnt the absolute last thing i did for undergrad, it wouldnt have been such a big deal cause i wouldve had a chance to do raise my confidence in other classes. my sister says i'm nervous because "i'm starting something new." i cant bring myself to believe that because school is school, you know?

worse is that i cant bring myself to care... and that makes me more nervous. i just want wednesday to come so it will start and i can prove to myself that i can still do this whole school thing.

*Sleep - My Chemical Romance

2 comments:

  1. anonymous hippopotamusJune 7, 2011 at 8:14 AM

    was i the sister? it sounds like me...umm oh and i love the word ennui and that clip.

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  2. yeah i think it was you. it has nothing to do with anisah's friends so i'm guessing it wasn't her. i like the word ennui, too. it was a vocab word in high school and i fell in love. also, anything gilmore girls is awesome.

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