embarrassed by the crowd

The reason that I haven't been writing in this book for so long is partly that I haven't had one decent coherent thought to put down. My mind is, to use a disgustingly obvious simile, like a wastebasket full of waste paper, bits of hair, and rotting apple cores. I am feeling depressed from being exposed to so many lives, so many of them exciting, new to my realm of experience. I pass by people, grazing them on the edges, and it bothers me.

~Sylvia Plath, The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath: Journal 38

she said it better than i ever could. but today, i have thoughts! yay me. sooo we went to my old high school to watch my brother get an award for student of the month. and then we watched the sixth grade graduation because they put them together because "the graduation is not an accomplishment that should stand alone" according to the elementary school principal. in their teacher's speech she said she was proud of them for becoming a "community of people." as opposed to what, exactly, none of us were exactly sure. did they start out the year as animals? 

you know the best thing about watching elementary school award assemblies? well, first you get to comment on how cute all the kids are. dressed up in suits and ties and looking all proud of achievements that won't mean a thing to them a couple of years down the road. and then, once you're done with that, you get to make fun of all them. and what is there not to laugh at about a bunch of children acting kinda awkward cause they are taken out of their natural environment and thrown under the spotlight in front of an auditorium full of people. of course, i think some of the parents around me and my sister got a little annoyed by our comments, but we pretty much balanced every "mean" thing with an awww so they had no reason to get all huffy. 

*Killing Me Softly - Roberta Flack