please forgive me if i act a little strange for i know not what i do

I wake up every morning to the sound of my alarm clock shrieking i-told-you-so's and yesterday's regrets tangled in my hair.

My reflection in the bathroom mirror can't look me in the eye as I try to brush the failure out from between my teeth and wash the disappointment from my eyes.

I count out my mistakes on shower tiles and drops of hot water and try to wash them down the drain with the soap suds or lose them in the steam.

My bedroom carpet is stained with cigarette burns, hot chocolate, and bad decisions, and they just won't scrub out or be ignored.

I sit at the kitchen table and I'm filled to burst with weak coffee and weak excuses and a weak resolve to do better next time, but this is the only time I get.

And I'm doing the best I can but failing miserably all the same.

***

a couple of weeks ago, i was sitting alone at the table doing a crossword puzzle and drinking coffee my dad had made but then decided he didnt want. my dad likes his coffee weak. very weak. anyway, the second to last line came into my head out of nowhere so i scrawled it onto my arm deciding that i might use it in something eventually. this is it. kinda short, but whatever i added to it just didnt seem to click, so as of now it's staying like this.

i am posting this so that years from now when i look back at my blog, i'll know what was going through my head as i wrote some of these.

also, when i was reading this over when i first wrote it, my mind thought, "i wake up in the morning feeling like p diddy." when i just read it right now, it thought, "i wake up every morning with a big smile on my face, and it never feels out of place..." maybe i should change the first line so it doesnt inspire my brain to sing random song lyrics?

*Please Forgive Me - David Gray