Monday, April 4, 2011

you know, you know - no you don't, you don't

you know that feeling you get when you read/watch/hear something amazing and you think, "why didn't i think of that?" and you look around at everything you've done and said, and it all looks contrived and cheap, like diamond earrings that are really plastic. and while you're marveling at the magnificence of what someone else came up with, disappointment trickles in with the enjoyment. because that's it. something this unique and perfect has been done, and everything else will be a cheap knockoff. and even if other people are fooled by the fake designer bag you wear, you'll always know that it's not real. and you'll always know that you didn't think of this first. though you may be bright enough to build a spotlight, you didn't make the stars. you're trying to catch up in a race that you've already lost, and there's nothing you can do about it.

you know that feeling you get when you're having the best time of your life and all you can think about is how it will soon be over? and you realize that it's all downhill from here. suddenly being so high is not such a good thing because it just means the fall will be that much harder. and you wonder why you were so excited to get to this point in the first place, and why wasn't the anticipation of it enough, and what are you supposed to do now? your laughter comes out a little too high, your smile falters for half a second, and you try to decide which would be worse: jumping immediately, making it your choice to fall, or trying to hold on to the moment forever, strangling it in your death grip. and no matter what you choose you will live the rest of your life regretting it.

you know that feeling you get when you realize that you're not afraid? when failure is just a stop along the way to success and those were always the best parts of road trips. optimism is suddenly the only way to live life and fulfilling every goal you set is your moral duty. and you know that you'll stumble along the way. you'll fall and scrape your knees and elbows. you'll get shoved off your path and do a fair amount of shoving yourself. you know all this, but you're not afraid because you know at the end you'll get exactly what you want. you'll be exactly who you want. you know that feeling you get when you realize you're just really good at lying to yourself?

.

so, um, this was not supposed to happen. i wrote the first sentence with an entirely different post in my head. i was really just meaning to write a pointless thing about books i am reading right now. and tangled. you know, cause it's too early to be productive. oh, speaking of books, amazon just told me that i should get inheritance which is apparently the last eragon book. this blew my mind a lot more than it probably should have, but i really thought the third was the last one. i borrowed the first two from a friend in high school and remember liking them, but then for some reason i never got or read the third book when it came out. but i always thought that i still had time, and now that the fourth one that i never knew about came out i feel like i'm too late. i missed my chance. the torturous wait for the next book in a series is one of the best parts, and i missed it.

*All These Things that I've Done - The Killers

8 comments:

  1. anonymous hippopotamusApril 4, 2011 at 2:38 PM

    1. where are the pics you promised me! :P
    2. this post is going onto facebook because i love it and can relate.
    3. umm thats it..
    4. its only going onto facebook if you give me your permission.
    5. thank you
    6. and
    7. good bye
    9. :P
    10. i forgot to type 8. haha

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  2. the internet was being stupid so it was taking forever to upload. i'll try again in a bit. you can post whatever you want (does that sound mean? it's not supposed to). oh, and josh hutcherson is officially peeta. liam whatshisface is gale. i got used to them now, though. and eight is overrated so it's okay. odd numbers are so much awesomer.

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  3. so.... i might be the friend that loaned the eragon series to you. i got it on a field trip once, and i remember mai folded over the page to mark where she had last stopped reading, and i sort of died a little in my heart. i'm the kind of person that just remembers where i stopped. i'll remember the page or i'll just keep searching through the book. dog-eared pages hurt me.

    anyyyways... i can associate greatly with point two in your 'you know when's'. i am a realist borderline pessimist through and through.

    and also.. back to eragon. the third book brsingr or however it's spelt was NOT good. i got it a long time ago, hardback, and still haven't finished it. the final comes out in november i think.
    basically the author fell in love with eragon's brother, and decided to make him the most perfect person ever. gag. a male mary-sue character. absolutely no flaws. the man can do no wrong. he is the epitome of perfection, manliness, bravery, courage, handsomeness, diginity etc. etc etc. etc... i can understand if we do that in our fake unpublished stories... but for a series i liked to have a book published with that nonsense a la twilight is unacceptable. the end.

    please if you would still like to read it, don't benefit him by giving him your money. i can send you my copy to keep. or you can get it from the library. please.

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  4. yes you were. and i remember mai folding the page! i don't do dog-earing either, and when my sister used to read she used to dog-ear every page in my books that she liked a quote. i stopped lending her my books. i used to just remember the page numbers, but one of my classes made us make business cards to hand out at career fairs and stuff, and we had to make huge stacks of them and they became my bookmarks. i don't think i've ever actually given one out to a prospective employer, but practically every book i have now has one tucked into its pages.

    about the third book, ew. was the brother the dude with the M name that also had a dragon? i think i remember really liking him. i hate when the author ruins a character i like by making him too perfect. when/if i do get around to reading it, i'll definitely check it out from the library. that's really disappointing, though.

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  5. anonymous hippopotamusApril 5, 2011 at 1:43 PM

    dog earing is cruelty to books!!! :D

    i dont lend my books to anyone because i die when they even slightly bend it.

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  6. you don't lend anything to anyone because you don't like to share. :)

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  7. anonymous hippopotamusApril 6, 2011 at 5:54 AM

    no not because i dont like to share...its because i dont feel like they have the respect for my things that i have. and also because of daddy. haha

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  8. I used to dog-ear my books all the time, but now I just remember, or slip a piece of paper in... But getting books from charity shops - the more dog-eared, the more loved the book felt in a way... But the more annoying it was for me to actually read.

    And Brisingr is one of the few books I fell asleep reading out of boredom rather than tiredness... Hated it - but I have the get Inheritance just because I have to finish the series - I'm like that with certain things.. It's like I usually start serieses on paperback, but as soon as I get a hardback copy, every book after it in the series also has to be hardback :p

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