Tuesday, June 28, 2011

i'm hopping from stone to stone as i try to cross the stream, deceivingly calm on this thursday in june. but i know what's lurking in its depths, hiding in the shadows on the sandy floor. i know, if no one else does. i move from one stone to the next with barely a thought. there's no time to think, only to move. deep inside me, i know the monster's next move, but it's not much help because it knows mine, too. as it rears its head, churning the waters, a crowd gathers at the shore. they wave their arms and open their mouths wide in shouts, but their voices are stolen by the waves, by the wind. i don't know if it's me they're urging on or the monster. i try to pretend that i don't care either way. the other side is one hop away, but no matter how many stones i pass, no matter how many moves i make, it never gets any closer. i lose my footing in my haste, and as i stumble i come face to face with the monster. i look deep into its eyes and see too much that is familiar. doubt who i'm rooting for myself. i see my own eyes staring back at me as i regain my balance. i hop to the next stone, turning my back on the monster. safe for one more minute. putting off the moment when i'll finally have to confront it. 

3 comments:

  1. anonymous hippopotamusJune 28, 2011 at 2:37 PM

    hmm..i dont know what to think of this. :/

    and sorry i ruined your plans yesterday...i really feel bad about it. dunno why its making me feel s awful....maybe its the sense of panic im feeling that just wont go away :|

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  2. eh. 750words thing doesnt work. not for me at least. i found that a significant amount of my time is spent rewriting. i tend to reedit and merge a lot of my stuff. i think it's that method, that relationship and interaction i have with what ive already written that helps me to continue, dig up the muck in my brain, and sort through it all.

    i still need to write more, and better acquaint myself with the discipline side, but the concept of 750words isn't what i need right now. your suggestion in one of your earlier posts is helping. ive found that simply sitting for even 15 min with the intention to write is helping me with the process.

    glad youve been reunited with the internet.

    i like this entry. i'm still digesting it, trying to balance my preconceived notions about it as someone who has had different experiences/perceives the world differently against an understanding that would be considered objective..? i'm starting to jumble my words here; theres no way i can explain how reading this entry has made me flashback to learning about preformed symbolic complexes without taking up a larger space than ive already. in short, i enjoyed reading this; it made me think.

    happy tuesday

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  3. anon hippo... lol don't worry about it. there's always next year (one of the cooler things about birthdays). i just felt like you were going insane with single-parenting and stuff so it'd be fun to like relax or whatever. but it was nothing terribly special or amazing i assure you.

    P Kim... i've been working on discipline too. i used to try and write a significant piece of work regularly (a short story, poem, novel scene, etc...) but it was just way too hard. and then i read somewhere that any writing counts as writing and sometimes you need to just sit down and let out the nonsense filling your mind so that on other days good writing can find its way out. that helped to encourage my regular blogging. merging old works into something new can also be considered writing.

    to be perfectly honest, your comment made my day. not to sound conceited, but i think the best feeling in the world is when someone says they enjoyed something i wrote with a reason. it makes me feel like maybe i'm not just wasting my time with words. so, thank you.

    also, this comment is choppy but i am tired and can't think straight.

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