i spent so many nights thinking

i was trying to remember if i ever wrote this in my blog or not, but i couldnt. i remember having a conversation about it with a friend last year, but i just dont know if i blogged it. so if i'm repeating myself, oh well, what can i say? i have repetitive thoughts.

so i do my best thinking when i'm asleep. that's when i do most of the planning for schoolwork. that's when i can untangle things going on in my life that just seemed knotted beyond help. that's practically the only time i can make decisions. my brain does its best work when the rest of me is asleep. sleep is like a block of several hours where i can let rational thoughts take over. if i'm overreacting or underreacting or reacting in the wrong way to something, i will realize this when i wake up because  my brain spent the past few hours going over everything and being smart when my emotions were busy sleeping.

so when i wake up and still feel sick to my stomach, when i'm still tightrope walking over a storm of emotions, this must mean that this is the rational way to act about whatever it was that was bothering me before i went to sleep, right? everything else has settled into its rightful place, so that's what this is doing too, right?

also, the fact that i barely slept last night and have a wedding tonight does not make me happy. if you know anything at all about arab weddings, then you'll know that i probably won't be home until around three if im lucky. in the morning, yes. i'm already dreaming of going back to sleep. *yawn*

*I Will Survive - Gloria Gaynor