Monday, June 15, 2009

what if there was no time and no reason or rhyme

my computer and blogger havent been getting along lately so i was very surprised when i got online this morning and it actually worked. thought i'd take advantage of that and write something even though i dont really have much to write.

we've been here for two weeks i think, and it feels like we just got here and we've been here forever at the same time. i've been sleeping four hours a night and then spending the entire day doing stuff so i know my body doesnt really like me right now. i used to live off of four hours a night and be fine, but i got it used to sleeping a complete 8-9 hours every single night which completely spoiled it. now, the second i sit on my bed it gets that exhausted feeling. you know the one where it's like begging to just lay down?? yeah... at least i'm fine during the day. hanging out with the family is great, even if it can get overwhelming at times when you have 8 different kids clamoring for your attention at once.

you realize that you miss A LOT when you're living in a different country, though. like a lot a lot. and it's gotten me thinking about all the what if's again. what if i had lived my whole life here instead of america? would i be a typical saudi girl or would i still be some mixed up hybrid that lives in some twilight zone?? what if my brothers were never born?? i love them to death, but always think about how our lives would be different without them. what if i wasnt born muslim?? would i still have the same values i have today? ive been told i'd be less quiet, but i'm not so sure about that... what if my mom wasnt an artsy person?? how would growing up without constant art projects have changed me?? what if i never got into reading and writing?? what if we never moved from california?? what if my parents never met each other?? what if i had even thought seriously about getting married?? would i have been married by now to one of those guys already?? how would my life be different?? what if i grew up speaking arabic instead of english in my house?? my sarcasm kinda hits the fan when i'm in arabic mode. what if??

*What If - Coldplay

1 comment: