don't go and get me started

every single person i know - even the best of them - do things that grate on my nerves. those little quirks that make you wonder for just a second why you're even friends with that person. okay, okay, maybe not that extreme. these annoyances range from facial expressions to actions to phrases. here are a few off the top of my head:

>>when people high-five after they've said something funny or witty. i mean, really?? is it that big of a rarity for you to be amusing?? is it really such a big deal that you have to congratulate yourself with a high five?? why don't we just throw a party for you? present you with a trophy? grace you with a dance? that slapping of hands amidst the laughter of the joke completely destroys any of the appreciation i had for what was said. or, almost completely.

>>when people use big words for the sake of using big words. the english language has many nuances. some words, though a thesaurus may say they are synonymous, just aren't interchangable. yes, they may mean the same thing, but they are used in different contexts. and, if the smaller word sounds better, use it. forcing big words doesnt make you look any smarter. and when someone tries to look smart by using a word that has a totally opposite meaning, i feel like having them tarred, feathered, and run out of town. i realize that people make mistakes, but you can tell when someone uses a word for the sole purpose of propping up their nose so they can look down onthe rest of us. so if you want to be a verbal snob, go ahead, but try and do it right.

>>when people say "i could care less." thank you for that very pointless comment. i think what you meant to say, was that you couldnt care less. saying that you could is implying that you care. and from the haughty tone and lofty look that usually accompanies this comment, i am pretty sure that is not what you are trying to say.

>>blank looks. not a poker face, carefully calculated blank look, but that slack-jawed blank look that just screams that absolutely nothing is going on inside your head. this one kid in particular seems to constantly have this look on his face, and i am constantly fighting the urge to smack it off.

>>when people get clingy. trying to smother me will not make me like you any more. in fact, it will make me like you a lot lot less. i dont like high maintenance relationships of any kind. if i disappear for a little bit, that's just my way of keeping myself sane. trying to impinge on my alone time is a sure-fire way to get your head bitten off.

>>when people dont do sarcasm. theres this one girl at school who would be a great person to hang out with, except that she doesnt understand sarcasm. it all flies straight over her head. and she thinks i'm "too mean." i eat, drink, and breathe sarcasm. i cant hold conversations without it. after a few minutes of sitting with her, i get strange urges to jump off of really high buildings.

*Whatever you Do, Don't! - Shania Twain