i know my call despite my faults and despite my growing fears

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

remember that book i wrote a while back? i think i may have mentioned it once or twice... a day last fall. anyways, a couple of months ago i entered it (almost completely unedited lol) into amazon's contest. i made it past the first round, but didn't make it to the third. BUT in the second round, your first three chapters (or the first 5,000 words... whichever comes first) are reviewed. my reviews just got here (as in my inbox) today. here's what my two reviewers had to say:

ABNA Expert Reviewer

What is the strongest aspect of this excerpt?

It's another coming of age high school thing, among girls this time, and it's very well-written. It's chock full of vivid lively detail, with things going on, very clearly written, with good dialog and descriptive writing. There's also a little bit of unexpected action on the part of its characters,and occasional flashes of wit. That helps to lighten a bit the predictability of high school reminiscences. Audrey, the protagonist, is an interesting character, and Laura, her friend, also appears promising. Their activities, while rather high school typical, have some interest.

What aspect needs the most work?

There is no hint nor foreshadowing of where this story is going. I really am not familiar with young adult readers, nor their literature, but I'd be surprised if they don't want a story to go somewhere, to have a beginning, middle and end. We've got a nice beginning here, but I would expect much more, and a clue that I'm going to get it if I read on.

What is your overall opinion of this excerpt?

It is lively and very well-written, the language is clear, dialog is fine, description is excellent and there's even the odd flash of wit. But I have no interest whatsoever in high school redux such as this. I guess I might find it tolerable if set in Africa or Latin America, someplace with which I am not familiar, or if it was written, say, from the point of view of a Frank McCourt kind of life of extreme poverty. I guess I am not a good fit with young adult books.

ABNA Expert Reviewer

What is the strongest aspect of this excerpt?

This novel is told from the first person point of view of a very sympathetic narrator. The reader is given complete access to her thoughts and movitations, and i feel as if this character would be easily relatable for many young adult readers, both male and female. The prose style is accessible and smooth.

What aspect needs the most work?

While I was motivated to continue reading because of the engaging prose style and the sympathetic protagonist, the story seems to lack a central narrative tension, and instead seems to focus almost entirely on the narrator's inner turmoil. It is clear that this is a novel about adolescent depression, however, I felt the story could have had a stronger hook to keep me turning the pages.

What is your overall opinion of this excerpt?

This is a very strong excerpt, and deals with serious emotional subject matter and yet is accessible and enjoyable. I am compelled to read further because I relate to this character, a girl who reminds me of a female Holden Caulfield. Teen apathy and depression are dangerous and endemic, and ought to be addressed in literature. However, I am curious how this novel is set apart from other YA stories with similar themes or topics.

soooo can i just say that the comment about holden caulfield made me eeeeeee repeatedly? i think if the rest of both reviews were saying my writing was complete crap that would make up for them completely. the fact that they weren't crap is just icing on the cake. i apparently need to bring the hook up in the book, but i mean that's a lot better than hearing that the writing style sucked, right? right. and it gives me actual stuff to fix (kinda) which is all i wanted.

i am excited.

i have changed my plans from freelance editor to critique group after i tighten the first few chapters. then, after the summer i will send to agents. succeed or fail i will try my hand at this whole writing professionally thing. *deep breath* it scares me to death.

*The Cave - Mumford and Sons