Wednesday, May 12, 2010

fairy tales don't always have a happy ending, do they?

years have passed since a single tear left the shelter of your eye.

it's like when you have a bad experience with alcohol, and suddenly, even the smell of the drink makes you nauseous. just thinking about it makes you want to retreat to the bathroom with your finger down your throat.

because everytime you cry, you remember the him he was, the her she wanted to be, and the them that could never be a them because happy endings don't exist in reality, and there is no such thing as a small lie, and the rain is not the sky crying over their ending. it is just water falling from clouds because it got too cold and too heavy to fly anymore.

and the ocean holds no mermaids because only sharks can live in the toxins you polluted it with. sharks that have no sense of love or good or compassion. sharks that would swallow you whole and laugh about it with their friends.

and you stare into the flame of a candle and pretend it is the sun, even though the sun has not made an appearance in your sky for months. and the quiet moments of peace before you fall asleep every night are spent hoping that things get better, even though hopes are just another word for dreams and you've had nothing but nightmares since the tears stopped.

***

i wrote this while i was "studying" but refused to post it then because that would be considered blogging which would be procrastinating. and since i had just started studying for tonight's exam this morning, procrastinating was not an option. i liked it more when i first wrote it... i'm not sure what happened between now and then.

anyway i have come to the realization that i cannot write happy. :/ that will be my mission before next semester starts: write something happy and hopeful.

and i have officially finished my first semester of grad school. two to go.

*Big Girls Don't Cry - Fergie

6 comments:

  1. I thought I'd never write anything but horror... then I started writing fantasy.

    What mood are you in, or how are you feeling when you write? I find that affects my writing a lot. :p

    And btw, I love the writing, as ever. You have real talent

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  2. thank you :)

    and you know, it could just be because of the mood i've been in. i'll try writing when i'm not so stressed and maybe it will come out happy.

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  3. when you say happy and hopeful..i think of something sickly sweet that sticks to your teeth. yuck!

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  4. lool i don't think the word happy is supposed to elicit yucks. maybe this is a family thing instead of a mood thing.

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  5. Maybe take a mood diary of when you write, just jot down your feelings when you feel creative, when you actually write and everything else. Try and use those moods to write different stuff.

    I write dark things when I'm really run down/burnt out
    I write horror when I'm happiest
    I write fantasy best when I'm ill, but it's become a general mood thing
    I write depressing when I'm ill/run down
    I write long when I'm in a general mood... just gotta be in a writing mood to write long
    I write short when I can't continue longer
    I don't write when I'm hyper... never worked... too many errors
    I write short when I'm excited
    I also write happy when I'm most depressed
    I write dark when I'm most depressed... but different kind of depressed
    I write dark/hopeful/fantasy when I feel insecure

    I'm still working on this list... It will be added to, most likely, and I'm slowly using these moods and feelings to write what I want to write. That's how fantasy became a general genre... I wrote initially when I felt inspired, but moved it on to other moods and emotions. The more you understand your creativity, the more you can make it work the way you want it to.

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