racy days help me through the hopeless haze, but my oh my tragic eyes, that i can't even recognize

those of you who know me in real life, or have read my blog for a while, probably know that i am awful at making decisions. unless i am 100% sure and passionate about something, making a decision is just as hard as climbing mount everest to me. and me, i dont get very passionate about many things.

i dont like decisions because i dont like the idea of closing the door on all those other optional roads. before i choose i can be an artist, and astronaut, a doctor. i can build houses and fix cars. i can give checkups to pets and write stories for children. but once my choice is made, those doors close, quietly, unnoticeably but securely, and then, what if i make the wrong choice? i can only be a lifeless shell full of what if's and could haves and unsatisfaction and eyes that have turned to the past and can no longer see the future. colors are grayed and lines are blurred by the waves of memory, and colors are grayed and lines are blurred by the dreariness of resignation that has become my future. dull eyes watering as i stare ahead blankly at the same thing for an endless hour as calendar pages count away the days, months, and years.

a bit depressing, isnt it?

*Change My Mind - The Killers