stop, you ruined all my memories

i have never been the biggest fan of change, but i think the worst change of all has to be when things in your past change. i love my memories, all of them. memory lane is perhaps my favorite place to take walks. i love the slightly sad feelings of nostalgia, the tightening of your chest as you remember perfect days now long gone into the realms of the past.

and then, when those memories get tainted by a comment or an action or whatever from the present, it kills me. it ruins everything. everything gets put under the deformed magnifying glass of pointless analysis. something someone says or does now can forever change your thoughts on what happened then. cause you can never be sure.

your memories become muddled messes, riddled through with holes from the vicious teeth of the what if's that have set up shanty towns throughout your mind, refusing to leave.

and no matter what you do, however hard you try, you just cant put them back to how they used to be. you cant ctrl+z your memories. your thoughts write with permanent ink, and the question marks scribbled over the perfection can never go away.

it's at times like these that i am reminded why i am not a people person. why i would prefer to live in memories and fictional worlds where the air sparkles with golden pixie dust and people can't just pop in to destroy everything.

*Close Your Eyes - Kristin Hersh