ha ha ha bless your soul, you really think you're in control?

i hate the feeling that sometimes (or most of the time) i have no control over what happens in my life. i dont mean all the predestined fate stuff... i'm talking about my own decisions. for example, i have this really awesome ten year plan (okay maybe not really awesome, but i mean the fact that it's called a ten year plan is awesome). only problem is that i kind of have no control over it. it all depends on whether or not my family moves back to saudi, on whether or not i get married, on whether or not my husband wants to live here or there. there's more, but see the pattern?? my plan, my life, depends on way to many people and outside forces - none of them me. (i cant see my bookstore being to popular in saudi... at least not the way i see it in my head. nor do i see myself working for seven years in a really high-paying job there first).

another example, my choices for majoring (both undergrad and masters). i originally wanted to do psychology but the embassy people wouldnt approve of it so i switched to IT. i mean, i didnt really mind since i wasnt completely decided, but still. and same thing with my masters. forensics was awesome, but maybe i want to major in something fun and cool like english. the embassy people won't agree. and yes, okay, so i know that i could technically just go without them and pay for my own schooling and not get the monthly money, but thats not very practical. majoring in english or whatever is not very practical either, for that matter.

decisions are taken away by religious, cultural, and familial factors. don't get me wrong. i love my religion. i love my country. i love my family.

sometimes, though, i just really wish i had some control over where i'm going in life.

*Crazy - Gnarls Barkley