it seems the more we talk about it, it only makes it worse to live without it, but let's talk about it

so i was sitting on my bed, typing out my novel furiously on joe, determined to get to thirty five thousand words before the weekend ends.

my sister comes up from doing the laundry (yeah, i was surprised too. i've been doing our laundry for as long as i can remember). anyway, conversation turned to the beach boys (it was very logical i swear) and so obviously i open itunes and start playing them.

i love the beach boys, but at the same time listening to them makes me inexplicably sad. they remind me of california days. of life before everything got all complicated. of unadulterated happiness. of flintstones at great america (surfer girl) and car rides with the grandparents equipped with enough blankets and pillows to bed a small country (catch a wave). they remind me of softball games and saturday morning breakfasts at the cardinal. they remind me of playing doctor to trees and failure lemonade stands. they remind of the santa cruz boardwalk and fisherman's wharf. seals and clam chowder. days at the capitol reef pool. neighbor's who would sit on top of their tree house and call, "ahoy there neighbors!" christmas in the park. the learning company, terrell, allen, brook knoll. dance parties in our living room. figure skating and miss america. black licorice.

when california girls would play, my grandma would never fail to tell us, "that's you girls."

then one song came on, and i swear i almost cried. like my eyes welled up and my throat tightened and everything. i'm not a cryer. anyway, this song (do you wanna dance?) is and always will be the song i associate with my grandpa the most. when the song came on with him, he would tell us, "if anyone ever tells that to you, let me know and i'll beat them up." i miss him.

now i'm sad.

Update: okay, so i'm no longer sad because music is off and i have made my word count goal for the weekend plus a little extra. and my novel officially has a title (sincerely, mr. nobody) and a genre (literary fiction) and a fake synopsis. and by fake i mean it makes the story sound worse than it really is and needs to be changed when i finish writing the story.

*Wouldn't it be Nice - The Beach Boys