Thursday, March 15, 2012

my head is filled with things to say

[day twenty: someone you like/love]

we're headed into the last ten days, people. i. am. excited. this challenge feels so much longer than i thought it would, but i refuse to not finish it. i really will try to not write posts that suck anymore, though. i realize that the last few have been slightly pathetic. (is it just me or are there way too many i's in those sentences?) it's interesting (well, to me at least) how often i would wish someone would just give me a topic to blog about, and now that i'm doing this, it feels so restraining. the little kid in me wants stamp her feet, cross her arms over her chest, shout, "you can't tell me what to write. you're not the boss of me!" and then possibly stick my tongue out for good measure.

i've actually thought a lot about who to write this post about. family member? friend? lifelong crush? (speaking of crushes, i've realized that i had a crush on just about everyone as i was growing up - fictional and real, animal and human. i'll be watching/reading/talking about something from my childhood and the first words out of my mouth are, "oh, i was so in love with him" or "i had such a big crush on him growing up." it's ridiculous really.) i even contemplated writing about myself for a minute, but decided against that. there is, surprisingly, a limit to my arrogant self-centeredness... sometimes.

anyway, i've been thinking a lot about my grandpa lately (my mom's dad). i have a million and seven good memories with/about him, but they're mostly kid memories (which makes sense since he died when i was eleven). i've been thinking of everything i would love to talk with him about that i never got a chance to because i was too young. just normal things like books, music, philosophy... things that, though i might have been interested in before, i would never have been able to have an intelligent conversation about. i think about that a lot. not just with my grandpa, but with everyone who is no longer in my life, not necessarily because they died. i had a few teachers who were excited about things that i just didn't care about at that stage in my life. and now that i do care about them, i'm no longer able to just go and have a conversation about them, because those teachers are not in my life anymore.

i'm not saying that i wished i appreciated these people more when i was younger, because i truly did appreciate them. i just wasn't able to relate to what they were really interested in at that point? or maybe i just wish that they had either come into my life at a later point or stayed in it longer so that i would appreciate them on a different level? does this make any sense? i feel like i'm killing it.

*I Want to Tell You - The Beatles

2 comments:

  1. anonymous hippopotamusMarch 15, 2012 at 2:13 PM

    lol yes you killed it. and you coulda wrote more about grandpa and why he was someone you loved/liked.

    i feel like i would be really awkward and shy with him if he were alive now. like i wouldn't know what to say to him. :S

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  2. really? i feel like we would be best friends. like really. there are so many times where i'm talking to mommy or grandma and they say something like, "that was grandpa's favorite" or "grandpa was an expert on that" or something. i dunno... i feel like we're pretty similar. or at least have pretty similar tastes/interests (in some things). plus, listening to grandma's stories is awesome, so i bet his would be even better. he's really up there with the people that i would be best friends with if they were alive and our paths crossed.

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