i wish i was young

[day twenty-three: something old]

i realized the other day that i've always felt old. it's more common recently to hear me bemoaning my age, but i've always had those i'm-so-old feelings.

i remember in fourth grade we had a journal to record the books we read that year in class. i thought it was a cool idea and contemplated starting one for all the books i read. but then i thought, "i've already read so many books. i'm too old to start this now. i should have started it when i was younger." and so i didn't. when i was fifteen i really regretted that decision. i realized that nine years old is actually really young, and i should have started recording my books then. you would think that i would be smart enough to start after that realization, but no. i once again thought i was too old to start and it would be pointless. (though to be fair, at that point i was in a bit of a literary dry spell. i think i read like three or four [new] books that year. i thought that my reading was pretty much over.) now at twenty-three, i'm a big reader again but i still haven't started to record the books i read, and i doubt i ever will. my bookcase will have to be enough of a record. that and my memory i guess. (i have thought of creating a goodreads account, but i just never get around to it.)

though i still feel old, i also know that in a few years i'll look back and think about how young i was at this point of my life. i'll think of all the times i said i was old and laugh at my ignorance. knowing this doesn't change much.

*I Feel So - Boxcar Racer