growing up and growing old

there are less than 24 hours left before i turn 21. i dont know if this is mixing in with anxieties about life after graduation or if i would have felt the significance of this year anyways, but it just seems so old. it feels like "becoming a real adult" so much more than 18 did. probably because, in my house, 18 certainly did not mean me 'becoming an adult.' i doubt 21 will either, but whatever. it's still a step forwards into the future. which i'm sure should be considered a good thing, but at the moment it just freaks me out.

thing is, i am so not 21. like mentally. i don't feel like i've grown up all that much since i turned 15. sure i've grown older, but not up. there's a monumental difference. so, faster than i would have liked, i'm turning 21 and graduating college (almost). my whole life, there's always been something for me to work for, something i didnt really choose. graduate highschool. graduate college. now i have to choose my own next milestone. and anyone who knows me knows how great i am with decisions, so this might just turn into a fiasco.

i'm sure that sunday morning i'll wake up and all my feelings of oldness will disappear... kinda. but this whole future stuff is really make me anxious.

*We Intertwined - The Hush Sound